I was gonna say Ellie Schnitt, who is 23-years-old (so shut up), but due to her tiny dimensions, I feel like there is only a 50% chance our baby would survive childbirth.

Her petite-ness giveth and taketh away. Like, if I wasn’t such a pervert, this would totally gross me out:

So then I was gonna say Delaney Tarr?? But she gained like 50 lbs.

So you know what?? Maybe our kid will have a crippling learning disability trying to squeeze out of her minute birth canal, but she makes up for it with a charming neediness, which personally I happen to like in a woman.

Plus she looks very human-sized here:

It doesn’t even matter. I love her and I really want to climax on her beautiful face, period!

Everybody says Stephen Miller, but on the other hand, his fiance looks like she’s a mix of 7 different “undesirable” ethnicities.

Freaking gross. It/That looks like a gypsy banged a Swahili shaman.

So for the 2nd year in a row, the award goes to Tucker Carlson.

Intrepid reporter Katie Glueck rocketed back into contention w/ the cutest nodding of the year, if not the decade:

But ’twas not enough to dethrone Jackie Alemany.

Well, libertarians finally gave up. And Trump supporters don’t actually believe he’s innocent.

So that just leaves Andrew Yang supporters, who actually believe Yang is trying to win, and not just schlepping his books and starting a podcast.

I wish it wasn’t the case, but dude:

• Dole
• Hillary
• Palin
• Harris
• Warren

It’s not happening!! I’m sorry, but you need to stop with the old white ladies!!

Mia Malkova is starting to get old.

Aside from packing on the lbs., you can see as she ages she’s starting to get that ex-wife face: