Post-Debate 2020 Power Rankings

King of the Jews Published July 6, 2019
Kamala Harris

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 5
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 6
  • Still deeply skeptical of her general erection viability– but for the 1st time, this video has convinced me that she can win the nomination:

    Also, she is the only candidate the can afford to go 0-2 in Iowa and New Hampshire.

    All she has to do is win South Carolina (which is decided by African-Americans) and Nevada (which is next door to California), and use that momentum to beat whoever is left standing in Michigan– at that point, Florida becomes a foregone conclusion, and the nomination is hers.

    Beto

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 9
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 3
  • I feel like everybody forgets how Iowa works, like every time??

    • Kerry ’04
    • Huckabee ’08
    • Obama ’08
    • Santorum ’12
    • (Almost) Bernie ’16
    • Cruz ’16

    The frontrunners attack other…then Iowans get sick of their stupid faces…then somebody that everyone wrote off comes from behind.

    Hellooooooooooooooooooo????

    Bernie

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 3
  • If Bernie doesn’t win Iowa, then he doesn’t New Hampshire, and if he doesn’t win Iowa or New Hampshire, then he doesn’t win South Carolina– which would be the sad end to one of the most electrifying movements of the modern era.

    Bernie has 2 structural issues that seem increasingly insurmountable:

    • (1) He’s been too persuasive. His once-fringe ideas have become mainstream Democrat values. Younger, better-looking candidates have co-opted his message.
    • (2) In 2016, Hillary took the slings and arrows. This time around, Bernie will be subjected to the kind of scrutiny reserved for frontrunners.
    Joe Biden

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 8
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 6
  • Totally called it back in March:

    This is a zombie candidacy…The women, the gaffes, and his (by 2020 standards) conservative record means the only question is…”Where does Biden’s support go when he inevitably drops out?”

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 4
  • Interview 6
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 4
  • I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW.

    If I have to choose between:

    • (A) A literal evil Nazi like Trump (except that Trump is inefficient and far below avg. Aryan/Ashkenazi/Japanese intelligence).
    • (B) A nagging kindergarten teacher slash tyrannical PTA lady like Warren

    Get my brownshirt and armband because there is no fucking way I’m voting for Warren.

    Sorry, but I am evolutionarily predisposed to hate nagging women (unless they are extremely hot and between the ages of 18-24 (and by 18-24, I mean 17 in some states-24))– and even then, it’s borderline intolerable.

    Cory Booker

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 5
  • Cory is desperate to distance himself from his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.

    But then Big Pharma called…

    To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.

    Mayor Pete

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 3
  • Look 5
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 1
  • This guy is FUCKED.

    Mayor Pete is currently polling 0% w/ African-Americans, after it became apparent that he ceded control of his police department to the KKK.

    Let me put it this way: A GAY GUY HATED BY BLACKS IS NOT GOING TO WIN THE DEMOCRAT NOMINATION!!!!!!!!

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 2
  • At her best, Kirsten is charming, likable, and an excellent communicator…

    Unfortunately, she is cursed with recurring obesity that makes her look like an elementary school cafeteria lady ~50% of the time.

    Sad!

    Andrew Yang

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 3
  • Look 1
  • Speech 3
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 2
  • This guy is FUCKED.

    He cannot win, like anywhere.

    • IA – No chance
    • NH – No chance
    • SC – No chance
    • MI – No chance
    • FL – No chance

    Ergo, he literally has 0.00000000% chance of winning.

    Castro Bros. Imagine that mug on Iowa mailers?? Buena suerte, mi amigo!

    This guy has even less of a chance of winning than Andrew Yang– who literally has ZERO chance!!!!!

    Amy Klasdfochar No.

    With the failure to repeal Obamacare (which the Reich’s poor, uneducated supporters disproportionately rely on), Trump’s odds of reerection have risen to 66.6%.

    For the record, MFP has an 89.4% accuracy rate.

    Green New Deal

    MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

    The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

    Read More
    Would Smash

    If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

    What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

    Read More
    Green New Deal

    MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

    The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

    Read More
    THIS IS AWKWARD

    Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

    I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

    Low-Information Voters

    Tucker Carlson:
    Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

    Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

    Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
    playing golf.

    “He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

    Read More

    Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

    Alex Jones insists
    he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More

    Bwahahaha!
    Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

    Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

    Read More
    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More
    Emergency Fap Check

    Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

    Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

    Read More
    Would Smash

    BREAKING:
    The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

    According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

    Read More
    Bwahahahaha!

    Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

    Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

    Read More
    The Cuckening

    Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

    Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

    Read More
    * Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    FYI
    Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
    Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
    Links
    Would Smash

    MFP constructs the perfect conservative woman

    Dishonorable Discharge

    Sad! Air Force band commits musical TREASON

    Stupid idiot O’Reilly thinks the erectoral college was designed to empower smaller states

    Would Smash

    MSNBC’s Chris Jansing is a vampire or some kind of immortal

    Would Smash

    BREAKING: Katy Tur doesn’t look hot today