MFP accurately predicts Democrat Debate Night 1

King of the Jews Published June 26, 2019

You’re not going to like some of these predictions, but if you search your feelings, you know they ring true For the record, MFP currently boasts an 89.1% accuracy rate.

Elizabeth Warren
Warren will do that earnest voice while pointing at something that’s not even there thing (pictured below) which will appeal to her supporters, but elicit (largely) subconscious feelings of utter disgust and revulsion among the overwhelming majority of males aged 12-100.

However, most male pundits will conceal these feelings– and Warren will be wrongly declared the winner by most opinion-makers, while actual human voters will be unmoved by her performance.

Tulsi Gabbard
GRU asset Tulsi Gabbard will do her fake anti-war schtick again, and be declared the winner by internet bots, and low-information contrarians who think they’re smart (but are actually dumb, and masturbate a lot (no judgment, I fit this demographic (that’s how I know it’s true (and deep inside, you know it too)))).
Beto O’Rourke
Beto wins by virtue of the fact that he’s likable and articulate and was just heard for the 1st time by millions of Democrat voters.

However, this victory will not be immediately apparent (since he is despised by the loudest voices on the Left)– but by the time the debate is over, Beto will have cemented himself as the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd choice of many voters across the country (that’s extremely valuable when the current frontrunners are 2 100-year-olds and an obnoxious woman).

Amy Klobuchar
Klobuchar will do horrible, but [PUNDIT NAME REDACTED] will declare her the winner. Please note, there is no way that this is an honest opinion– I suspect that goods of some sort (job offer, insider trading, etc.) are received in exchange for the shilling on Klobuchar’s behalf.
Cory Booker
This guy is a freaking joke. To gain momentum for the debate, Booker released some cockamamie plan to give felons their rights or something– nobody cares, asshole!

Even African-Americans don’t care! The fact that Booker thinks the average African-America is concerned about their ex-con cousin whose name nobody can spell deserves [whatever Booker is peddling, I don’t even know] shows how badly out of touch he is.

Post-Debate Reaction HERE

  • First and foremost, Savannah Guthrie has the optimal female voice. Even if you believe that it is sexist for me to point that out– you must surely agree.
  • While there are certainly legitimate criticisms of Beto’s performance, it is important to remember that low-information voters only care about whether they “like” a candidate or not. In that area, Beto came off as extremely likable. Expect to see a divide among “experts” and actual voters.
  • Tim Ryan was suprisingly OK, but the lasting impression of him will be the deer in the headlights look he had for the 1st half-hour.
  • Cory Booker keeps championing shit nobody cares about. At one point, unprompted, he started rambling about transgender issues– this penchant of his unnecessarily alienates early state voters.
  • This was the only sexually attractive woman in the building:

  • Poor John Delaney.
  • The time that moderators devoted to Amy Klobuchar is absolutely fucking bewildering.
  • Is there not some experimental Russian technology to cover up Tulsi’s pockmarks??
  • Politically, there was entirely too much espanol for voters that Democrats will need in the general erection.

In conclusion, it would be political malpractice– and a gift to the Trump regime– if Beto isn’t on the top or bottom of the ticket.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

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Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson:
Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
Good Times

How Ted Cruz and Rand Paul became bitter frenemies

“Forty years between us.”

MFP accurately rates that Russian chick Trump tried to bang

Would Smash

Fox News contributor Stacey Dash’s friend is beautiful

Kirsten Powers to Charles Krauthammer: Stop playing dumb, you know you’re a neocon!!!

Would Smash

MFP accurately reax to Trump approval among youth drops to 20%