BREAKING: Chris Christie is short but nobody notices because he’s so fat

MFP & co. Published February 10, 2019

An exclusive MFP investigation has found that while Bill Maher and “little” Marco Rubio get shit on for being short– Chris Christie is even shorter, but nobody notices because he’s so fat!

Further research reveals that Congressman Jerry Nadler benefits from his obesity in a similar fashion:

Interestingly, George Constanza wasn’t quite fat enough…

Flashbax: Rand Paul smaller than children

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson:
Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.

FYI

Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.

Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »