Here's Why
Kamala can't win
Post-New Year's
2020 Power Rankings
Beto O'Rourke's
Path to the Nomination
Richard Ojeda's
Path to the Nomination
Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

MFP accurately bro-splains BREXIT impasse

MFP & co. Published January 16, 2019

Full disclosure, during our fake news era, MFP supported Nigel Farage and Brexit in pro-Russian propaganda articles HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Bro-splanation

The European Union
The European Union is a nagging, middle-aged wife that’s always that’s always telling the UK what to do.

The United Kingdom
The UK is a husband having a mid-life crisis.

25 years ago, the UK was down on his luck. He was working paycheck to paycheck without much direction. But then he met the EU. She was exciting and worldly. They built a life together.

But over the years, the UK has grown tired of the EU’s constant nagging.

Refugees, immigrants, etc.
Refugees and immigrants are calories– and in recent years, the EU let in thousands and thousands of calories!

When the UK expressed concern, the EU was like:

THE VAST MAJORITY OF THOSE CALORIES ARE GOOD FOR ME!!!!! YOU ARE UNEDUCATED!!!!!!!!

Ratchet-faced Mistress

The UK’s trashy, ratchet-faced mistress is:

  • Nigel Farage
  • Boris Johnson
  • The GRU
  • Etc.

She has been urging the UK to leave the EU for years.

BREXIT
In 2016, the UK’s ratchet-faced mistress finally succeeded in convincing the UK to divorce the EU (BREXIT), and the two sides entered into divorce proceedings:

The UK wants

  • To keep all his money
  • Joint custody
  • Shared use of the vacation house

The EU wants

Hard BREXIT
If the UK refuses to honor its alimony and child support commitments– as outlined in the prenup– the EU can take sole custody of the kids and stop the UK from using the vacation house.
Second thoughts?
From time to time, the UK gets nostalgic, and drunk texts the EU– signaling possible reconciliation.

But as bitter divorce proceedings drag on, it becomes clear that things can never go back to the way they were.

Current Impasse
The UK and the EU agreed to terms last November. But when the UK’s ratchet-faced mistress saw the deal, she went fucking ballistic.

Now the UK is paralyzed by indecision– pulled in 3 equally compelling directions:

  • BRAIN – Amicable divorce, honor commitments to the EU, and move on.
  • HEART – Get back together with the EU, have great makeup sex.
  • RATCHET-FACED MISTRESS – Hard BREXIT, no deal, call the EU’s bluff.

For the record, MFP currently boasts an 89.1% accuracy rate.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
This is happening

MFP’s 2018
Year End Awards

MFP accurately presents awards for 2018's greatest Uncle Tom, hottest porn star, and much, much more!

Read More

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Read More
MFP accurately projects

Here’s Beto’s path to the Democrat nomination

Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses.

Read More
Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
Erection 2020

Post-Mueller
2020 Power Rankings

Mayor Pete's candidacy is fascinating because it perfectly illustrates the changing tastes of Americans.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

EEach night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Read More
Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Read More

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

Read More
The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

Read More

Would Smash

BREAKING: The daughter of that guy from that HBO show starring that guy from the Sopranos voted

Sean Hannity warns: You can die from weed

Would Smash

Ainsley Earhardt falsely claims that Maxine Waters is “very attractive”

Do you even UFC bro?

Ronda Rousey: I wouldn’t vote for Donald Trump

The Regime

MFP accurately commemorates Charlottesville