Amazon’s Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie are divorcing after 25 years of marriage amid rumors of infidelity:
[Bezos] has been secretly seeing former Good Day L.A. co-host Lauren Sanchez. The news of their alleged relationship comes just hours after Bezos announced that he and his wife MacKenzie Bezos were getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage.
Jeff’s net worth is in the neighborhood of $100 billion, so it is simply inconceivable that he isn’t drowning himself in a sea of Mollys and Chloes.
Shockingly, however, Jeff is reportedly smitten with 49-year-old Lauren Sanchez, whose face– I don’t mean this to be insulting, she is an otherwise impressive woman— whose face is repulsive!
To complicate matters, Lauren previously smashed the giant black dude from Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Assuming Jeff isn’t shockingly disproportional, this makes it virtually impossible for him to fulfill his manly duties– that is, unless he wants to do like 90 minutes of foreplay.
And let’s be honest, foreplay sucks.