Here's Why
Kamala can't win
Post-New Year's
2020 Power Rankings
Beto O'Rourke's
Path to the Nomination
Richard Ojeda's
Path to the Nomination
Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

Priscilla Kelly is the Most Carnally Desirable Woman on Earth

MFP & co. Published January 4, 2019

WWE superstar Alexa Bliss has demonstrated tremendous carnal resilience– suffering virtually zero depreciation since her NXT debut, particularly as compared to her contemporaries.

Paige 2014
Alexa 2014
Paige 2018
Alexa 2018

But as Alexa makes her inexorable descent to 30, the first signs of decline have begun to visibly manifest.

In light of these changes, Priscilla Kelly– Georgia’s greatest and only notable export– is now the most carnally desirable woman on Earth.

#AndNew Interim Most Carnally Desirable Woman on Earth

Face: 9.25

For context, this is a 10/10 face.

Gym Makeup: 9.0

For context, HERE and HERE.

Nerdy Glasses: 9.49

For context, this is 10/10 nerdy glasses.

Vintage Bangs: 8.75

For context, this is 10/10 vintage bangs. Even though Priscilla’s bangs look like the hair of a poor person?? Somehow, she makes it work.

Body: 9.5

For context, this is a 10/10 body (for most whites, Asians, and Westernized Hispanics).

Seductiveness: 9.99

For context, this is a 10/10 seductiveness. But I gotta say, these shenanigans are really working for me…

Tuna spot:

FLASHBACK: Sex blogger Eileen Kelly was the most carnally desirable woman of 2018

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

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This is happening

MFP’s 2018
Year End Awards

MFP accurately presents awards for 2018's greatest Uncle Tom, hottest porn star, and much, much more!

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If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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MFP accurately projects

Here’s Beto’s path to the Democrat nomination

Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses.

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Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
Erection 2020

Post-Mueller
2020 Power Rankings

Mayor Pete's candidacy is fascinating because it perfectly illustrates the changing tastes of Americans.

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THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

EEach night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

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Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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Howard Stern goofs on Alex Jones again

Hot chick comforts Alex Jones after communist attack

Mark Levin calls Michael Savage a “little, fat meatball slob”

Little kid asks Justin Amash about NSA spying and gay rights

The Regime

Post-Mueller Report 2020 Power Rankings