MFP’s 2018 Year End Awards

MFP & co. Published December 26, 2018
Greatest Uncle Tom
Up until November, Gianno Caldwell was a stone cold lock for the biggest Uncle Tom of 2018. But at the last minute, the Wall Street Journal’s Jason Riley swooped in and cemented his legacy as the greatest House N ever with this incredible moment:

I’m just like.

Biggest Nazi
In many ways, Jordan Peterson deserves this award. But I personally feel that a true Nazi is very intelligent, and Peterson is a really dumb guy.

As such, this prestigious award goes to the cunning Tucker Carlson.

Most Easily Bought Off
I hate ties.

But in this case, they both sold out to the regime so shamelessly that whatever difference exists is so infinitesimally small so as to be imperceptible and irrelevant.

Mark Levin on presidents playing golf

Rand Paul on Executive Orders

Hottest Reporter
Not a banner year for hot reporters.

I hate to say “by default”, because she is strikingly beautiful for a woman over 25– but by default, the award goes to Jackie Alemany…

Hottest Political Daughter
In a shocking upset, this year’s hottest political daughter isn’t Ivanka Trump or Poland’s Kinga Duda. It’s [name redacted for 1 year, but look at her ass].

Hottest Porn Star
The 4th hottest active porn star– not just for her looks, but willingness to endure all manner of degradation– is Dakota Skye.

I feel like her almost comical level of trashyness actually redounds to her hotness:

Hottest Biracial Chick
Here’s the thing.

Thus, on a genetic technicality, the award goes to plastic surgery-enhanced Uyghur actress Dilraba Dilmurat:

FYI Uyghur chicks are a mix of Chinese, Turks, and central Asian populations. It’s hot.

Most Carnally-Desirable Non-Celebrity on Earth
In large part due to her ability to credibly approximate an 18-year-old, it’s sex blogger Eileen Kelly.

Chick I Want to Spend the Rest of My Life With
This hasn’t changed in like 2 years.

Chelsea the Code Pink Protester shares many qualities with runner-up Delaney Tarr— smart, kind, and super hot– but Chelsea the Code Pink Protester is slightly more selfless and less self-absorbed than Delaney.

Also, as a sexist and misogynist, I feel like the archetypal ideal woman should– by her mere existence alone– make me want to be a better man.

Nothing in this world has made MFP more open to socialist viewpoints than her inherent goodness and un-jaded idealism.

For that reason, and also because she’s super hot, I want to spend the rest of my life with Chelsea the Code Pink Protester.

For the record, MFP finishes 2018 with an impressive 89.1% accuracy rating.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

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Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links

Sad!

Fmr. Most Beautiful Russian is starting to look like Amy Poehler

Would Smash

Fox News’ Anna Kooiman jumps up and down on a trampoline

Would Smash

Ana Kasparian’s Kendall Jenner impression is trash but also hot

Laura Ingraham accurately impersonates Mark Zuckerberg

Rush Limbaugh: I’m the reason Breaking Bad got popular