perhaps no greater sign of America’s existential decline than the declining hotness of recent Miss America winners:
|Miss America ’13
Mallory Hagan looks like one of those fat lower middle class wives that act like raising kids is like a real job?? And they always seem genuinely shocked when they get cheated on??
|Miss America ’14
Nina Davuluri…[redacted for racism/bigotry]…Mortal Kombat.
|Miss America ’16
Looks like a witch.
|Miss America ’17
Cara Mund…even her name sounds fat.
By far, the most egregious, unforgivable decision came in 2013– when the beautiful Alexis Wineman was robbed in favor of (no offense) disgusting pig Mallory Hagan.
Embodies everything the world loves about white girls…
Not so much…
If that was the Pearl Harbor of Miss Americas (which it was, objectively)– then this past weekend’s contest was September 11…
Miss America 2019
The clear frontrunner– inarguably, the hottest chick at the competition by several orders of magnitude– Emily Sioma was robbed of her title, which was wrongly awarded to Nia Franklin…
If there was ever any doubt about her hotness, those concerns are quickly dispelled by this gif…
In contrast, Nia Franklin would have trouble even making it into a rap video as a “hoe” without neon eyeliner and a weave…