NFL Week 1: Trump Supporter/Uncle Tom Grades

MP   |   Published September 11, 2018

Following the divine intervention in last year’s Superbowl, MFP seeks to further quantify the karmic consequences of supporting the Trump regime on NFL players over the course of the season.

Here are Week 1’s grades…

Tom Brady

  • Week 1 A
  • This was the game Tom Brady was supposed to “fall off the cliff” according to ESPN’s Max Kellerman:

    Instead, Brady carried one of the worst Patriots rosters in recent memory to victory– going 26/39 for 277 yards and 3 touchdowns.

    Bill Belichick

  • Week 1 B
  • Belichick deserves credit for containing Uncle Tom Deshaun Watson, but once again, he has assembled a mediocre roster whose success relies almost entirely on the unprecedented continued excellence of Tom Brady (and OC Josh McDaniel).

    Watch for the lack of depth to hurt the Patriots moving forward.


    John Elway

  • Week 1 B-
  • Horseface clearly made the right call in dumping Paxton Lynch in favor of Case Keenum.

    But that doesn’t absolve him for:

    • (1) The Brock Osweiler fiasco
    • (2) The Paxton Lynch fiasco
    • (3) The soon-to-be Case Keenum fiasco
    Case Keenum

  • Week 1 B-
  • Case Keenum threw 3 interceptions, but overall, he was serviceable in victory over a tough Seattle Seahawks defense.

    Watch for Keenum to progressively start to suck as the weather gets colder.

    Nick Foles

  • Week 1 C-
  • Just awful.

    19/34 for just 117 yards, 0 TDs, and 1 INT.

    But he won, I guess??

    Dak Prescott

  • Week 1 C-
  • House N Dak Prescott helped push Dez Bryant out the door this past offseason. He later told the media:

    I don’t know if any team in the league necessarily needs a No. 1 receiver.

    The Cowboys lost Sunday, with Dak throwing a measley 5.9 yards per pass and a QBR of 23.7.


    Jerry Jones

  • Week 1 C-
  • KKK Grand Wizard Jerry Jones pushed out Tony Romo, and later Dez Bryant, at the behest of his scumbag kid Stephen Jones and House N Dak Prescott.

    But the Cowboys’ struggles almost certainly stems from the karmic consequences of Jones’:

    Dashaun Watson

  • Week 1 D
  • Uncle Tom Deshaun Watson had an even worse game than House N Dak Prescott– completing just 17/34 for 176 yards. 1 interception, and a QBR of 17.8.

    Bwahahaha! Trump throws loyal Nazi Paul Ryan under the bus

    For 2 years, Paul Ryan has been a reliable rubber stamp for the Trump regime's Nazi agenda. His reward?

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    If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

    What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

    Read More

    MFP’s Accurate 2020
    Power Rankings

    Trump maintains a 66% chance of reerection.

    Read More

    Actually, Trump can unilaterally fire Mueller

    Many nerds mistakenly believe the Administrative Procedure Act of 1946 prevents Trump from firing Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Here's why they're wrong.

    Read More

    Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

    Every night, Tucker Carlson trolls coastal liberal elites with his plucky, yet affable tribalism. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the great Roger Ailes. Prior to that, Tucker was your run-of-the-mill, Northeastern moderate elitist.

    Read More

    Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
    playing golf.

    “He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

    Read More

    Alex Jones reveals:
    Sandy Hook massacre was
    “completely fake with actors”

    “Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

    Alex Jones insists
    he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

    In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More

    Bwahahaha!
    Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

    Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

    Read More
    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More
    Emergency Fap Check

    Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

    Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

    Read More
    The Cuckening

    Wow, Jordan Peterson
    got cucked hard!

    Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

    Read More

    Kellyanne Conway shows off cleavage

    Michael Savage: “Pornography must be banned in America!”

    Michael Savage: Hugh Hewitt is a “slimeball”, “phony”

    Billy Joe Saunders once again the victim of racism

    Would Smash

    Wow, Katy Tur does a sexy white girl dance!

    The Regime

    MFP accurately reax to Peter Strzok’s testimony