In like, Iran??

Breanna Spencer would be the hottest chick, by far. She could quickly ascend to become the Ayatollah’s #1 concubine. In antiquity, her pussy could have toppled regimes across Hellenistic world, from Central Asia to Northern Africa:

But here in America, there are other considerations. Camouflaged beneath her bleached blonde hair and layers of foundation is an archetypal ex-wife face:

Based on her ex-wife face, we can speculate that she:

• Nags constantly.
• Is impossible to please, sexually.
• Will drag you to IKEA or make you do some bullshit chores on weekends (and she will always have some justification for why she can’t just order online– but the truth is, she just likes ordering you around).
• Will eventually leave you for a local news anchor, politician, or GOP fundraiser.

It should also be noted that virtually all young, skinny women look hot in that pose…

I don't take normal graduation photos pic.twitter.com/AFqe7kGKed

— Lindsay (@plantbboi) April 12, 2018

Jeopardy Chick

While Breanna’s ex-wife face will make her look 40 when she’s 30, and 50 when she’s 40– Jeopardy Chick’s Liz Lemon schtick will still be adorkable for years to come.

This face makes me want to recklessly toss important tax documents off the table and make love to her right there and then– even as we grapple with difficult joint financial decisions…

h/t Nate.

Accurate Rating

Please note that regional preferences take scarcity and cultural biases into account.

For example: The appeal of the Liz Lemon schtick is lost on Southerners and Middle Easterners, whereas Los Angeles and Miami aren’t as impressed with skinny white blondes as the rest of the world.