Erick Erickson on Wednesday published quotes from an anonymous pro-Trump Republican congressman that secretly hates Trump:
The congressman, whose district Trump won, has been a regular supporter on Fox News and elsewhere defending the President. He is happy to be quoted, so long as I don’t name him.
‘It’s like Forrest Gump won the presidency, but an evil, really f*cking stupid Forrest Gump. He can’t help himself. He’s just a f**king idiot…if we’re going to lose because of him, we might as well impeach the motherf**ker.’
From Erick’s post (and subsequent comments), we can build a profile of this congressman:
- It’s a man (a successful woman isn’t going to creep around w/ Erick fucking Erickson).
- It’s a fiscal conservative, probably from the South.
- It’s someone that Erick Erickson has a relationship with.
- It’s someone who doesn’t serve on the House Judiciary Committee.
- It’s someone that regularly appears on Fox News to defend Trump.
- It’s someone who initially opposed Trump, but now pretends to like him.
- It’s someone low enough in the pecking order to pick up their own groceries.
- It’s someone that is enough of a movie buff to reference both Forrest Gump and Shawshank Redemption in the same conversation.
It’s also important to note that this congressman listens to Erick Erickson’s podcast– which tells us a lot:
- Who the fuck even knew Erick Erickson had a podcast??
- Even if you knew Erick Erickson had a podcast, who the fuck would listen to it??
- What congressman is even young enough to listen to political podcasts??
To the extent the elderly listen to podcasts, it’s some “Freakonomics”, New Yorker type bullshit– or some Dan Brown audiobook.
Our profile rules out likely candidates Jim Jordan, Peter King, and Raul Labrador. We also rule out Justin Amash (he doesn’t talk that way) and Alex Mooney (because he can’t get on TV).
That leaves us w/ only 4 candidates…
Probability of Being the Congressman That Secretly Hates Trump Quoted By Erick Erickson
Sean Duffy – 10%
Duffy fits the profile, but he’s only in it for the $$$ (bribes, insider trading, etc.).
He doesn’t care about politics, and would never listen to Erick Erickson’s podcast– which rules him out.
Adam Kinzinger – 10%
Kinzinger fits the profile, but (1) he rarely defends Trump and (2) he doesn’t give a shit about Erick Erickson or his podcast– so that rules him out.
Mark Sanford – 15%
Sanford fits the profile exactly:
There’s only 1 problem: Sanford almost never defends Trump– so that probably rules him out.
Dave Brat – 65%
I’m saying 65%?? But it’s him:
Erickson and Brat share an unbreakable bond borne of hating Trump, but being forced to defend him publicly– Erickson for racist clicks, Brat for low-information votes.
For the record, MFP is documented to be right 97.9% of the time.