Wow, Don Jr. has the hottest mistress in all of Team Trump!

King of the Jews Published March 20, 2018

I cannot begin to convey my newfound admiration for Don Jr., as I have personally fapped to Aubrey on innumerable occasions!

And while Aubrey is certainly gross now, circa Celebrity Apprentice, she had just entered into her second Prime (as wealthy women w/ access to expensive surgical procedures sometimes do).

High-five bro, high-five.

Trump

Stormy Daniels

In court papers filed Friday, Trump all but conceded that he is, in fact, the “David Dennison” referenced in the Stormy Daniels NDA.

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 7.49

Don Jr.

Aubrey O’Day

According to numerous reports, Don Jr. allegedly had an affair w/ fmr. Celebrity Apprentice contestant Aubrey O’Day.

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 8.25

Lewandowski

Hope Hicks

Fmr. Trump staffer Sam Nunberg and (according to author Michael Wolffe) Trump himself have alleged an affair between Corey and Hope.

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 6.5

Jesse Watters

Emma DiGiovine

Propaganda Czar Jesse Watters’ wife reportedly filed for divorce over Watters’ alleged affair w/ 25-year-old Fox News associate producer Emma DiGiovine– a quintessential butterface:

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 6.5

Miller

AJ Delgado

Fmr. Trump staffer AJ Delgado has spoken publicly about the affair and lovechild w/ Propaganda Czar Jason Miller.

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 5.75

Ed Henry

Natalia Lima

In May 2016, Propaganda Czar Ed Henry was temporarily forced off the air after his mistress revealed salacious details of their affair.

Numerical Representation of Worth at the time of Boning: 6.99 (older than pics would suggest)

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Read More
Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson:
Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Read More
Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Read More
Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

Read More
Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

Read More
The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

Read More
* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
Would Smash

Jo Marney, would ya dress up as a Nazi?

Do you even UFC bro?

Chael Sonnen hates the national anthem

Rush Limbaugh doubts that Stephen Hawking was even that smart

MSNBC’s ugliest panel ever

Erection 2018

Jason Riley cements legacy as Greatest Uncle Tom EVER