Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

2020 Power Rankings   December 8, 2017

MFP & co. Tweet Email

In the wake of Harvey Weinstein, it became difficult to imagine how Gavin Newsom could possibly navigate a Democrat primary, given the party’s policy of “believe all women, even wacky, attention-seeking sluts”.

But after watching Al Franken resign in disgrace– while the Republican erectorate gave Trump a pass for Access Hollywood, and Roy Moore a pass for pedophilia– the Democrat base is slowly moving towards adopting the GOP policy on sexual assault, which has proven tremendously effective:

    If woman accuses a Democrat If woman accuses a Republican
    • “Victim”
    • “See, Democrats are the ones that hate women!”
    • “I don’t know what happened, but she deserves to be heard!”
    • “Slut”
    • “Liar”
    • “Hmmm, the timing seems politically motivated!”
    • “What happened to innocent until proven guilty, amirite!?”.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the pro-Bill & Hillary establishment wing of the party is the faction most eager to adopt this strategery:




 
The following comment is actually insightful AF (you may recall that in 2016, MFP strongly urged Trump to attack women– knowing he would win white women regardless, due to racism (which proved to be true)):

 

 
Indeed, it is primarily affluent and/or college-educated white women that constantly bitch about sexual harassment.

The following types of women generally view “victims” of sexism just as skeptically as do misogynists (such as myself), if not more so:

  • Elderly women across the board
  • Trashy white chicks
  • Hispanic chicks
  • Black chicks

All of which redounds to Gavin Newsom’s benefit (and, to a lesser extent, Joe Biden and others).

Kudos.

    Gavin Newsom

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 9
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 4
  • Scandals 8
  • Anyone with a modicum of emotional intelligence can sense that he’s a Trump-level sociopath…

    If half-naked young women held in captivity for a decade escaped from a hidden dungeon in one of Gavin’s Newsom’s mansions– would anyone be surprised??

    Other than the seemingly ever-present threat of scandal, Gavin checks all the boxes:

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 6
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 4
  • The good news: Elizabeth Warren can win the Democrat primary.

    The bad news: Elizabeth Warren can win the Democrat primary, and then proceed to lose the general erection in a landslide (relative landslide, by modern standards, like 52-45).

    Case in point: Here’s Bill Maher throw Warren a series of hanging curveballs– watch her squander it…

    Instead of using the opportunity to convey humility and warmth, Warren proceeds to remind everyone of that awkward feeling of being left alone with their scary mother-in-law.

    In short: Great brand, terrible candidate.

    Colonel Sanders

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 3
  • I know, I know.

    The wife and the loan from the bank, aka the Jews aka the Council on Foreign Relations aka Seth Rich.

    MFP has a well-earned reputation for thinly-veiled anti-Semitism, but even I can’t pretend to give a shit about this:

    Jane Sanders, who led Burlington College from 2004 to 2011, spent millions on a new campus — 33 acres along the bank of Lake Champlain — to attract more students and donations from alumni. It didn’t work: The college failed to recruit enough students or donations to repay its debts and even came close to losing its accreditation.

    On the other hand, he’s going to be like 1,000-years-old by 2020. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Donna Brazile robbed him of his 1 chance to be POTUS.

    It’s over dude.

    Kamala Harris

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 6
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 5
  • Political scouts raved about California’s star Attorney General, Kamala Harris. She came to the Senate with the hype of a #1 draft pick.

    But in her 1st year in office, Kamala looks more like Ryan Leaf than Peyton Manning.

    Much like Elizabeth Warren, great brand, terrible candidate.

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 2
  • Here’s the thing.

    If Kirsten lost 30 pounds, she’d be MFP’s favorite to win the presidency in 2020– she’s charming, likable, and an excellent communicator…

    Unfortunately, she is cursed with recurring obesity that makes her look like an elementary school cafeteria lady ~66% of the time.

    Fat Kirsten: 5% chance to win the primary.
    Skinny Kirsten: 50% chance to win the primary.

    Joe Biden

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 8
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 5
  • Look.

    If Joe Biden had run in 2016, he would have won MI, PA, and WI (which Hillary, despite her unlikeability and sheer incompetence, barely lost)– and Joe Biden would be President today.

    But he didn’t, and he’s not.

    Biden is going to be figuratively literally 1,000,000-years-old in 2020.

    His time has passed.

    Cory Booker

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 5
  • 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

    Cory tried to distance himself from his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by testifying against his colleague, Jeff Sessions– and ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.

    But then Big Pharma called…

    To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.

    Eric Garcetti

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 6
  • Look 8
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 5
  • Garcetti suffers from Marcos Mariota Syndrome.

    Heading into the 2015 NFL Draft, the consensus was that the Oregon Ducks QB had #1 pick arm talent and athleticism, but a Beta Male personality– lacking assertiveness, ambition, and authoritativeness.

    Likewise, everyone really likes Garcetti– but they view him as a bitch cuck.

    It doesn’t help that he bears a startling resemblance to Phil Dunphy…

    Also, his wife Amy Wakeland refuses to take his last name, which must be emasculating…

    Pathetic.

    Andrew Cuomo

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 7
  • Speech 6
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 1
  • Scandals 8
  • Cuomo is a big name from a big state that can raise a lot of money.

    But let’s think this through:

    A scandal-ridden, anti-gun New York governor and a primary calendar that starts in Iowa, then goes to New Hampshire, then swings through the South, and then swings through the Midwest??

    We don’t even get to Cuomo-friendly states– to the extent there even are Cuomo-friendly states– until mid-March and April!

    No fucking chance. Zero.

    Tim Ryan

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 4
  • Look 6
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 3
  • This goofy bastard.

    To his credit, when she does put on makeup– which is rare– Tim’s wife is more desirable than Melania…

    Adam Schiff

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 5
  • Look 1
  • Speech 3
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 5
  • Scandals 3
  • As the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee investigating Russia, Adam can get on cable news whenever he wants.

    That’s the good news.

    The bad news is that he looks like a weasel.

    RIght or wrong, much like Carly ’16— the more people see Schiff’s face, the less they like him…

    Castro Bros. Really??

    So, that face on Iowa mailers??

    Buena suerte, mi amigo!

    Xavier Becerra He looks like a Hispanic Mike Pence…

    Who spells “Javier” with an “X”, anyway??

    GTFO.

    Amy Klasdfochar No.
    Deval Patrick No.

With the failure to repeal Obamacare (which poor, uneducated Trump voters disproportionately rely on), Trump’s odds of reerection now stand at 70.0%.

Feminazis

John Kasich is such a pussy

The Regime

Wow, Anthony Scaramucci successfully seducing Katy Tur!

Do you even UFC bro?

Eddie Bravo accurately claims Kim Jong-Un doesn’t exist

Kasie Hunt loves John Kerry


Abella Danger 8.0 Quintessential butterface.
Abby Hornacek 8.75 Penalized for height.
Abby Huntsman 7.0 Penalized for looking like her dad.
Ainsley Earhardt 6.99 Penalized for age (40's).
AJ Applegate 8.75 If she was anorexic, she'd be a 10.
AJ Delgado, Jason Miller's fmr. mistress 5.99
Alex Witt 4.75
Alexa Bliss, WWE superstar 9.25
Alexis Levinson 6.5
Alexis Wineman circa 2012 9.0 Her love could be my salvation.
Allison Williams, Brian Williams daughter 7.25 Penalized for looking like her dad.
Alisyn Camerota 5.25
Amanda Carpenter 6.5 Basic bitch.
Amy Jackson 9.5 Perfect face.
Amy Kremer, the fake conservative activist 3.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Ana Kasparian 6.25 I'm just not into it, she looks like an angry maid.
Ana Navarro 3.99 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Andrea Tantaros 6.5 + body, dumb face.
Ann Coulter 5.99 Penalized for age (50's).
Anna Kooiman 8.0 She looks like a sexy chipmunk.
Andrea Mitchell 2.25 Disgusting.
Antonietta Collins 6.25 Don't be fooled by the makeup and angles.
April Ryan 2.25 Disgusting.
April Ponnuru, Ramesh Ponnuru's wife 2.99 I'd do her, tbh.
Ashley Parker 5.0
Aubrey O'Day, Don Jr.'s fmr. mistress (Prime) 8.25
Andrea Catsimatidis, Manhattan GOP Chair 7.75 My mind says "gross", but my penis says "10/10".
Barbara Mikulski 0.75 Needs burka.
Baskin Champion 9.49 10 face, but no boobs :(
Baskin Champion's Sister 7.0 Much less attractive than her sister.
Belen Sisa the Undocumented Student 6.5
Bristol Palin (Prime, circa post-weight loss, pre-all the babies) 7.75
Britney Spears (Prime, circa "Oops, I Did It Again") 9.0
Brooke Baldwin 6.49 Penalized for age (40's).
Carly Fiorina 5.0
Carmen Callaway 9.49 Bonus points for looking ~18.
Carrie Prejean (Prime) 9.25
Caroline Heldman, that chick who accused Fox News 6.5 Penalized for age (40's).
Catherine Rampell 6.49 Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people.
Chelsea Clinton 2.99 Disgusting.
Chelsea the Code Pink Protester (Chelsea Byers) 7.75 Her love could be my salvation.
Christiane Amanpour 3.5 Disgusting.
Claire McCaskill 2.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Courtney Byrd 9.0
Dana Bash 5.5
Dana Loesch 6.49 I'd do her.
Dana Perino 6.25 Penalized for age (40's).
Daniela Lopez Osorio 8.75 Face is highly overrated.
Danielle Bregoli, the "Cash Me Outside, How Bow Dah" girl N/A N/A
Danielle Weisberg 7.0 She can get it.
Delaney Targgaryen N/A N/A
Denise Odie Joseph II, Dinesh D'Souza's fmr. mistress 5.25 I'd do her, tbh.
Dishwasher Lady (Prime) 8.99
Dominika the Nuclear Power Plant Intern 8.99 Self-explanatory
Eboni K. Williams, the Fox News Aunt Jemima 6.49 Penalized for race.
Elizabeth Warren 2.5 Needs burka.
Elizabeth Nolan Brown 5.75
Ellison Barber 7.25 Down 10% from 2014 prime.
Emma DiGiovine, Jesse Watters fmr. mistress 6.99 Quintessential butterface.
Erin Burnett 6.75 Penalized for age (40's).
Erin Schrode, the liberal with a never ending list of grievances 6.49 Disturbingly deep voice.
Evgenia Medvedeva 9.0 That Sailor Moon outfit tho.
Gina Loudon 6.5 MILF.
Giselle Leon (Prime) 8.25
Gloria Allred 2.5 You know what? Would.
Gloria Borger 3.75
Haley Byrd 7.49 Would be so hot w/ woman's haircut.
Harris Faulkner 4.0 Penalized for race.
Heather Childers 6.25 She's like West Virginia hills folks' idea of what a hot chick looks like.
Heidi Cruz 4.0
Heidi Heitkamp 1.0 Needs burka.
Hillary Clinton 2.5 Disgusting.
Hillary Clinton (prime) 7.0
Hillary McLellan the Chick That Lied About Cancer 7.25
Hope Hicks 6.5 Beautiful from a great distance.
Hwang Mi Hee (Prime) 8.75 Hottest Asian chick to ever live.
Irin Carmon 6.75
Ivanka Trump 6.75 Penalized for age.
Ivanka Trump (Prime) 9.5
Jeanette Dousdebes Rubio, Marco Rubio's wife 5.75
Jedediah Bila 7.75 Penalized for age.
Jennifer Grossman, the fake libertarian 6.25 Absolute GGILF.
Jillian Kirk, the racist MSU student 7.5
Jo Marney, the Nazi 6.25 Has an old lady face.
Joy Behar 1.99 Needs burka.
Joy Reid (Joy Ann Reid) 2.25 Needs burka.
Julia Ioffe 6.75 Penalized for age.
Julie Mason 2.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Kacey Jordan (Ted Cruz controversy). 7.75 Bonus points for looking ~18.
Kaileigh Brandt 10.0 Not that hot, but genetically perfect.
Kaitlan Collins 6.5
Kamala Harris 4.99
Kanadajin3 (pre-Muslim conversion) 6.5 I'd do her.
Kasie Hunt 5.5
Kat Timpf 7.49
Kata Sarka, the Hungarian chick that Trump tried to bang. 7.5 +++ body, avg. face.
Kate Bouldan 6.5
Kate Upton (Prime) 9.0
Kathryn Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh's wife 4.75
Katie Glueck 6.99 Bonus points for looking ~18.
Katie Lou Samuelson 6.5 Penalized for height.
Katie Nolan 7.0 Face is overrated.
Katie Packer, the flip-flopping RINO 2.75 Disgusting.
Katie Pavlich 6.5 Penalized for gigantism.
Katrina Pierson 6.0 Looks like an evil koala bear.
Katy Tur 6.75 Disturbingly unattractive without makeup.
Kaylee Moats, the Chick with No Vagina 7.25
Kayleigh McEnany 7.0 She looks like a sexy, retarded fish.
Kellyanne Conway 4.75 Facially repulsive.
Kim Yo-jong, Kim Jong-un's sister 2.99 Needs burka.
Kimberly Guilfoyle 6.5 Repulsive without makeup.
Kinga Duda 7.0 Basic bitch.
Kirsten Gillibrand 5.5
Kirsten Powers 5.5
Kristen Soltis Whatsherface 7.0
Kristen Stewart 8.25
Kristin Tate 7.99 Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people.
Kristine Leahy 8.25 I dunno, she vascillates from 7.5 to 9.0.
Kyle Nolan, Eric Bolling's assistant 8.25 LTR material, but not hot per se.
Laci Green, the adorable feminazi 7.25 Chubbiness offset by implied promiscuity.
Laura Ingraham 6.25 Penalized for age (50's).
Laura Jayes, the reporter who broke the Turnbull-goofing-on-Trump story 6.5 + body, mediocre face.
Lauren Southern 6.49 Basic Bitch.
Lee Ann McAdoo 6.5 + boobs, mediocre face.
Lili Simmons 8.5 At first glance, easily a 9-- but her face looks jacked up under certain angles/lighting.
Liv Morgan 9.0
Liz Plank 6.5 Manly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles.
Louise Linton, Steve Mnuchin's wife 6.49 Her angry ex-wife face is a turnoff.
Lyda Loudon 6.75
Maria Bartiromo 6.0 Penalized for age (50's).
Marianne Copenhaver, the Neocon Girl 6.49 Sexy hair and glasses conceal jacked up face.
Marilyn Monroe (Prime) 6.75 Basic bitch by today's standards.
Marsha Blackburn 5.0 Penalized for age (late 60's).
Martha MacCallum 5.25 Penalized for age (50's).
Meghan McCain 5.25 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005 10.0 Perfect 10 circa 2005.
Melania Trump 5.75 Beautiful from a great distance.
Megyn Kelly 6.75 Penalized for age (40's).
Michelle Fields 6.49 + body, mediocre face.
Michelle Malkin 4.25 She has to go back.
Michelle Obama 2.99
Michelle Runde 7.0 Cutest gainfully employed vegan ever.
Mika Brzezinski 5.49 I'd do her, tbh.
Mila Moire, the artist who lays eggs with her vagina (Prime) 8.49
Minka Kelly 8.99 She is as hot as you can humanly be without breaking 9.
Molly Line 5.75 Penalized for age (40's).
Monica Crowley 5.0 I think I'd rather do Marsha Blackburn, tbh.
Monica Lewinsky circa Clinton affair 5.75 I'd do her, tbh.
Nadya from Pussy Riot (Nadezhda Tolokonnikova) 6.25 Ugly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles.
Nasim Aghdam 5.5 Penalized for age.
Natasha Bertrand 6.5 Really cute, but face has slight hint of Down syndrome.
Nancy Pelosi 2.00 Disgusting.
Natalia Lima, Ed Henry's fmr. mistress. 6.75 Older than photos would suggest.
Noor Tagouri, the Hottest Muslim 7.25
Norah O'Donnell (Prime) 8.25 LTR material.
Olivia Harlan 9.0
Paige, WWE superstar 6.75
Paige, WWE superstar (Prime) 8.99
Peyton List 8.49
Poppy Harlow 5.99 I don't get the appeal.
Rachel Maddow 4.5 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
Riley Reid 9.25
Ronna McDaniel, GOP Chairthing 3.0 Has Down syndrome face.
Roseanne Barr 1.75 Needs burka.
Salena Zito 1.99 Needs burka.
Sami Main 7.0 Bonus points for looking ~18.
Sammi Hanratty 8.75 Bonus points for looking ~18.
Sandra Smith 6.5 Penalized for age.
Sarah Tiana, the hypocritical comedian 6.49
Sarah Flores, Trump Propaganda Czar 5.99 Oh so close to being hot.
Sarah McDaniel, the model with retard eyes 9.49 A 10 but not a 10.
Sarah Huckabee 2.75 Disgusting.
Sarah Palin 5.75 Penalized for age (50's).
Sarah Palin (Prime) 6.99
SE Cupp 6.5 Manly jawline, fat arms.
Shannon Bream 6.75 Penalized for age (late 40's).
Simona Mangiante, George Papadopoulos' wife 6.5 Do not be fooled by the Instagram angles.
Shera Berchard (Prime) 8.0
Stephanie Ann Cook 8.75
Stormy Daniels circa when Trump smashed 7.5 Mediocre face.
Tamara Holder (Prime) 6.5 Submissive personality makes up for repulsive face.
Tara Palmieri 7.49 Classic marry her to get her off the market, then realize you've made terrible mistake.
Taylor Riggs 7.25 LTR material.
Tiffany Thompson, Ezekiel Elliot's ex 7.25
Tiffany Trump 7.25 Face has slight hint of Down syndrome, but bonus points for age.
Tomi Lahren 7.0 + body, angry ex-wife face.
Trish Regan 6.5 Penalized for age (late 40's).
Tulsi Gabbard 5.25 Looks like a giant eskimo w/ terrible skin..
Whoopi Goldberg 1.5 Needs burka.
Zoey Kush 8.5 Bonus points for looking ~18.