Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

BREAKING: Daniela Lopez Osorio not as hot as Baskin Champion   November 19, 2017

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Columbian-born Daniela Lopez Osorio’s impromptu butt dance is universally regarded as the hottest non-speaking, non-pornographic moment in human history.

Unfortunately, while Daniela does sometimes approach flawlessness– too often, she looks unacceptably average…

As such, Alabamistan’s own Baskin Champion remains the hottest chick on Earth (both Baskin and Daniela will become too old to be ineligible by late 2018).

A post shared by baskin champion (@baskinchamp) on

Accurate Rating

Please note that regional preferences take scarcity and cultural biases into account.

For example:

  • In Ethiopia, any skinny white chick under 35 is automatically 11/10.
  • In Saudi Arabia, skinny white chick scores are artificially depressed by the surplus of Caucasian sex slaves from Eastern Europe and, to a lesser extent, North America.
  • In Los Angeles and New York, tall skinny chick scores are subconsciously exaggerated due to the pedo-ish archetype promoted by the modeling industry– and the status that conveys (if you’re dating a tall skinny chick, you must be hot shit).
  • In Las Vegas and Florida, there is a greater premium on big tits and nice ass.
Daniela Baskin

Accurate Rating

8.99 9.25
Los Angeles 9.75 9.0
Las Vegas 9.5 8.99
Iowa 9.99 10
Saudi Arabia 9.99 9.75
Japan 10 10
Personally 9.25 10
Mom & Dad 10 9.5

* Editorial edit 11/20/17: Reading clarity and revised scores.

This was pretty cool, dammit

Marco Rubio’s new book cover, revised for accuracy

“If Alabamians can put a man on the moon, we can build new prisons”


John McEnroe accurately claims Serena Williams couldn’t cut it against men