Here’s why Roy Moore is still going to win

MP   |   Published November 16, 2017

Full disclosure: I am rooting for Roy Moore (1) to maintain MFP’s sky high accuracy rating and (2) because a Sen. Roy Moore is more damaging to the GOP brand than a Sen. Jeff Sessions or Mo Brooks.

Any moral qualms I have about supporting a pedophile are assuaged by the fact that the victims are from Alabamistan– a failed state run by uneducated, superstitious hillbillies stuck in the 15th century.

If you doubt this, consider that Roy Moore is a wealthy man and a fmr. Chief Justice– yet this is the best lawyer he could find in the state…

Alabamistan

National Rank
Murder Rate
#3
Life Expectancy
#49
Life Expectancy (Whites)
#49
Poverty Rate
#4
Federal Dependency Score
#4
Education Score
#44
Very Religious (self described)
#1
Time Spent Watching Porn Per Visit
#2

In Alabamistan, if Roy Moore hadn’t molested these women– then some other “devout Christian” surely would have.

So, fuck it.

Here’s why Roy Moore will win on Dec. 12…

  • (1) Polls skewed by shame

    The top line number looks worse than it is because many Alabamistans are understandably ashamed to tell pollsters they support a pedophile…

    But since no one who opposes child molestation thinks Moore should stay in the race– we can therefore safely assume that Moore’s actual level of support is closer to 54%…

    Ignore the top line number. Keep your eye on the percentage of Alabamistans that think Moore “should stay in the race”.

  •  

  • (2) 1 or more of Roy Moore’s accusers are liars

    Leigh Corfman is legit, but statistically speaking, at least 1 of the other accusers are liars.

    The same logic applies to Bill Clinton:

    • Monica Lewinsky
    • Paula Jones
    • Gennifer Flowers
    • Kathleen Willey
    • Juanita Broaddrick
    • Countless other accusers

    Most of the accusations are no doubt true, but statistically speaking, at least 1 or more of those fat bitches are liars.

  •  

  • (3) Doug Jones will be accused of sexual misconduct

    In recent years/months, liberals foolishly went all in on:

    We must believe victims/accusers regardless of common sense!!

    This leaves Doug Jones open to accusations of sexual misconduct later this month or early December. And, by Democrats’ own words, these false claims must necessarily be believed.

    Also, it doesn’t help that Jones has a creepy face…

  •  

  • (4) Alabamistan will recoil at Doug Jones’ supporters

    Doug Jones should spend the next 3 weeks espousing the views of a KKK Grand Wizard.

    Instead, Jones is aligning himself w/ minorities that Alabamistan’s “devout Christians” hate…

    This type of brazen tolerance will cause Alabamistans to rally around Moore’s message of “taking our country back” and “they took er jerbs”.

 
For these reasons, MFP gives Roy Moore a 70% chance to win next month’s special erection.

Bwahahaha! Trump throws loyal Nazi Paul Ryan under the bus

For 2 years, Paul Ryan has been a reliable rubber stamp for the Trump regime's Nazi agenda. His reward?

Read More

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Read More

MFP’s Accurate 2020
Power Rankings

Trump maintains a 66% chance of reerection.

Read More

Actually, Trump can unilaterally fire Mueller

Many nerds mistakenly believe the Administrative Procedure Act of 1946 prevents Trump from firing Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Here's why they're wrong.

Read More

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Every night, Tucker Carlson trolls coastal liberal elites with his plucky, yet affable tribalism. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the great Roger Ailes. Prior to that, Tucker was your run-of-the-mill, Northeastern moderate elitist.

Read More

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Read More
Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Read More
The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

Read More

Do you even UFC bro?

Chael Sonnen no longer wants to beat up Lebron James

Rush Limbaugh insists Eric Garner wasn’t choked to death

MFP’s touching musical tribute: “Thank You George Zimmerman”

Would Smash

MFP judges the cancelled Czech nuclear power plant intern bikini contest

Would Smash

Anthony Scaramucci slickly checks out hot chick

Bwahahaha: Trump bullies Kasie Hunt, Chris Matthews LOLs