Miss America In Decline

Mark Capra   Published September 10, 2017

That’s Miss Montana 2012, Alexis Wineman– the most beautiful autistic chick to ever live, and archetypal LTR material that makes dickheands like myself want to grow up and be a better man.

Her white girl dance in its allure is perhaps second only to that of the backup singer at last year’s Republican National Convention…

Unfortunately, there were those that felt Alexis received undue attention due to her disability (or disorder, not sure which is the preferred terminology), like this jealous bitch…

Despite being the objectively hottest chick there, Alexis didn’t win Miss America that year.

Instead, the crown was awarded to Miss Wisconsin, Laura Kaeppeler.

Laura was hot too, but in a more provincial way.

Like, if you were a delivery driver or a cell phone store manager in Kenosha, you would want to trap her with a baby ASAP…

Otherwise, you risk a minor league baseball player stealing Laura away from you with his optimism and big city dreams!

But to show you how far America has fallen, look what’s happened since…

Miss America ’13

Mallory Hagan looks like that loud chick your divorced uncle picks up at an Irish pub (even though he’s not Irish and hates soccer) and brings to Thanksgiving and it’s awkward…

Miss America ’14

Nina Davuluri [redacted for racism/bigotry]…

Miss America ’15

Would smash Kira Kazantsev obviously, but she is barely hotter than her porn doppelgänger Chastity Lynn…

Miss America ’16

Like, I always try to be clever, but basically, Betty Cantrell looks like a witch…

Miss America ’17

I just jerked it to a woman taking 3 ****** ****s for probably like $500 that was 1,000,000X hotter than Cara Mund…

To make matters worse, they list “Jazz Dance – ‘The Way You Make Me Feel'” as Cara Mund’s “talent”– which I find infuriating.

Like, is that even a talent?? It sounds more like an annoying habit.

In any case, disgusting…

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