Here’s what the 1st Chick President will look like

MFP & co. Published August 1, 2017

Qualified or not– fair or not– the likes of Kirsten Gillibrand and Kamala Harris are too homely and overweight to attract Rustbelt and Southern independent voters in sufficient numbers to win the erectoral college.

However, there is such a thing as too hot.

A woman even half as hot as Mélissa Theuriau– who, in her mid-2000’s prime, was the most beautiful woman that ever existed– could never become POTUS.

Women would resent her, and men couldn’t take her seriously in a leadership role.

And thus…

The 1st Chick POTUS will look like Coralie

This French lawyer-turned-politician circa 5 years ago is what 1CPOTUS will look like:

  • Attractive, but past her prime.
  • Educated, but not outwardly elitist.
  • Sexy, but not slutty (a very rare quality).

1CPOTUS will be able to put her hair in a bun out of convenience, and somehow still look classy:

1CPOTUS will come from a middle-to-working class background, and wear dragon shirts when she was a kid accordingly:

1CPOTUS will be friendly and warm, but possess an unshakable confidence that can only be derived from deeply-rooted delusions of grandeur ala:

At the very beginning, they said I was chosen for my physique. But when I started leading the movement, they said I was an authoritarian.

Perhaps it will be this more tender tree which hides a forest which is said to be made up of the hardest of the woods. [Her surname] in Occitan is ‘wood’.

wat?

1CPOTUS will be be able to pass for a happy-go-lucky girl trying to make her way in this crazy world that just stumbled into politics by accident:

While secretly plotting her vengeance against all those that mocked her and opposed the birth of her thousand year dynasty:

She’s out there somewhere.

Maybe she’s still in school, getting pressured to swallow by her much older boyfriend. Maybe she’s out naively wasting her time canvassing for Thomas Massie. Maybe she’s a lawyer for GITMO detainees or making Facebook posts about Monsanto.

Someday, she will emerge.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

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Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson:
Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

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Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links

Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s wife Katherine Russell, would ya?

The Regime

Rush Limbaugh: Trump mistresses hotter than Bill Clinton’s

Would Smash

MFP accurately reax to “Dear White People”

Michael Savage: Carly Fiorina is not beautiful

Michael Savage mocks Jesus nativity story: “You cannot believe in virgin birth!”