I know what you’re thinking:
You’re gay. She’s so hot…
But wait!
See, I told you so…
| Abella Danger | 8.49 | Quintessential butterface. |
| Abby Hornacek | 8.5 | Penalized for gigantism. |
| Abby Huntsman | 6.75 | Penalized for looking exactly like her dad. |
| Ainsley Earhardt | 6.99 | Getting old. |
| AJ Applegate | 8.99 | If she went on a 3-week juice fast, she'd be a 10. |
| AJ Delgado, Jason Miller's fmr. mistress | 5.5 | |
| Alex Witt | 4.5 | |
| Alexa Bliss, WWE superstar | 9.49 | Would be a 10 if she was 4 inches taller |
| Alexis Levinson | 6.5 | |
| Alexis Wineman circa 2012 | 9.0 | Her love could be my salvation. |
| Allison Williams, Brian Williams daughter | 7.25 | Penalized for looking like her dad. |
| Alisyn Camerota | 5.25 | |
| Amanda Carpenter | 6.5 | Basic bitch. |
| Amy Jackson | 9.25 | Perfect face. |
| Amy Kremer, the fake conservative activist | 3.75 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Ana Kasparian | 6.25 | I'm just not into it, she looks like an angry maid. |
| Ana Navarro | 3.99 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Andrea Tantaros | 6.5 | + body, dumb face. |
| Ann Coulter | 5.0 | I guarantee you her pubes are gray af. |
| Anna Kooiman | 7.99 | She looks like a sexy chipmunk. |
| Andrea Mitchell | 2.25 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Antonietta Collins | 6.25 | Don't be fooled by the makeup and angles. |
| April Ryan | 2.25 | Disgusting. |
| April Ponnuru, Ramesh Ponnuru's wife | 2.99 | I'd do her, tbh. |
| Ashley Parker | 5.0 | |
| Aubrey O'Day, Don Jr.'s fmr. mistress (Prime) | 8.25 | |
| Andrea Catsimatidis, Manhattan GOP Chair | 7.75 | My mind says "gross", but my penis says "10/10". |
| Ashley Parker (WaPo) | 5.25 | I'd do her tbh. |
| Barbara Mikulski | 0.75 | Needs burka. |
| Baskin Champion | 9.49 | 10 face, but no boobs :( |
| Baskin Champion's Sister | 7.0 | Much less attractive than her sister. |
| Belen Sisa the Undocumented Student | 6.5 | |
| Bristol Palin (Prime, circa post-weight loss, pre-all the babies) | 7.75 | |
| Britney Spears (Prime, circa "Oops, I Did It Again" video) | 9.25 | |
| Brooke Baldwin | 6.49 | Getting old. |
| Candace Owens, the fake conservative Black chick | 4.99 | Penalized for race (don't blame me, blame the agents of enculturation). |
| Carly Fiorina | 5.0 | Disgusting face, great legs. |
| Carmen Callaway | 9.49 | Bonus points for looking ~18. |
| Carrie Prejean (Prime) | 9.25 | |
| Caroline Heldman, that chick who accused Fox News | 6.5 | Getting old. |
| Catherine Rampell | 6.49 | Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people. |
| Chelsea Clinton | 2.99 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Chelsea the Code Pink Protester (Chelsea Byers) | 7.75 | Her love could be my salvation. |
| Christiane Amanpour | 2.99 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Claire McCaskill | 2.75 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Courtney Byrd | 9.0 | |
| Dana Bash | 5.5 | |
| Dana Loesch | 6.25 | Getting old. |
| Dana Perino | 6.0 | GGILF. |
| Daniela Lopez Osorio | 8.25 | The ass is perfection, but the face is highly overrated. |
| Danielle Bregoli, the "Cash Me Outside, How Bow Dah" girl | N/A | N/A |
| Danielle Weisberg | 7.0 | She can get it. |
| Delaney Tarrgaryen | N/A | N/A |
| Denise Odie Joseph II, Dinesh D'Souza's fmr. mistress | 5.0 | I'd do her, tbh. |
| Dishwasher Lady (Prime) | 7.25 | |
| Dominika the Nuclear Power Plant Intern | 8.75 | Self-explanatory |
| Eboni K. Williams, the Fox News Aunt Jemima | 6.49 | Penalized for race (don't blame me, blame the agents of enculturation). |
| Elizabeth Warren | 2.25 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Elizabeth Nolan Brown | 5.75 | |
| Ellison Barber | 6.75 | Depreciating rapidly from 2013 prime. |
| Emma Dumont | 9.0 | The most beautiful smart woman on Earth. |
| Emma DiGiovine, Jesse Watters fmr. mistress | 6.75 | Quintessential butterface. |
| Erin Burnett | 6.5 | Getting old. |
| Erin Schrode, the liberal with a never ending list of grievances | 6.0 | Disturbingly deep voice. |
| Evgenia Medvedeva | 9.0 | That Sailor Moon outfit tho. |
| Fresh Blonde | 10.0 | Perfect 10. |
| Gina Loudon | 6.5 | MILF. |
| Giselle Leon (Prime) | 8.25 | |
| Glenn Beck's Wife | 5.5 | GILF. |
| Gloria Allred | 2.5 | You know what? Would. |
| Gloria Borger | 3.75 | |
| Haley Byrd | 8.25 | I love her, and that's it. |
| Hallie Jackson | 5.5 | I will never convince you, but trust me: Not as hot as you think! |
| Hannity's Wife | 4.0 | Ew. |
| Harris Faulkner | 4.0 | Penalized for race (don't blame me, blame the agents of enculturation). |
| Heather Childers | 6.25 | She's like West Virginia hillfolks' idea of what a hot chick looks like. |
| Heidi Cruz | 4.0 | |
| Heidi Heitkamp | 1.0 | Needs burka. |
| Hillary Clinton (current) | 2.5 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Hillary Clinton (prime) | 7.25 | |
| Hillary McLellan the Chick That Lied About Cancer | 6.75 | |
| Hope Hicks | 6.5 | Beautiful from a great distance. |
| Hwang Mi Hee (Prime) | 8.75 | Hottest Asian chick to ever live. |
| Irin Carmon | 6.75 | |
| Ivanka Trump (current) | 6.75 | Getting old. |
| Ivanka Trump (post nose surgery, 18-24) | 9.75 | |
| Jacinda Arden | 4.49 | Looks like a recovering crackwhore. |
| Jackie Alemany | 8.25 | Penalized for gigantism, prominent nose. |
| Jeanette Dousdebes Rubio, Marco Rubio's wife | 5.75 | |
| Jedediah Bila | 7.5 | Getting old. |
| Jennifer Grossman, the fake libertarian | 6.25 | Absolute GGILF. |
| Jillian Kirk, the racist MSU student | 7.5 | |
| Jo Marney, the Nazi | 6.25 | Has an old lady face. |
| Joy Behar | 1.5 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Joy Reid (Joy Ann Reid) | 2.0 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Julia Ioffe | 6.75 | Getting old. |
| Julie Mason | 2.5 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Kacey Jordan (woman Ted Cruz lusted after). | 7.5 | Hot but kinda looks like a crackhead. |
| Kaileigh Brandt | 10.0 | Not that hot, but genetically perfect. |
| Kaitlan Collins | 6.5 | |
| Kamala Harris | 4.99 | |
| Kanadajin3 (pre-Muslim conversion) | 6.5 | I'd do her. |
| Kasie Hunt | 5.5 | |
| Kat Timpf | 7.49 | |
| Kata Sarka, the Hungarian chick that Trump tried to bang. | 7.5 | +++ body, avg. face. |
| Kate Bouldan | 6.5 | Basic bitch. |
| Kate Upton (Prime) | 9.0 | Getting fat. |
| Kathryn Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh's wife | 4.75 | |
| Katie Glueck | 6.99 | Bonus points for looking ~18. |
| Katie Lou Samuelson | 6.0 | Hot face, penalized for height. |
| Katie Nolan | 7.0 | Face is overrated. |
| Katie Packer, the flip-flopping RINO | 2.5 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Katie Pavlich | 6.49 | Penalized for gigantism. |
| Katrina Pierson | 6.0 | Looks like an evil koala bear. |
| Katy Tur | 6.75 | Disturbingly unattractive without makeup. |
| Kaylee Moats, the Chick with No Vagina | 7.25 | |
| Kayleigh McEnany | 7.0 | She looks like a sexy, retarded fish. |
| Kellyanne Conway | 4.75 | Facially repulsive. |
| Kim Yo-jong, Kim Jong-un's sister | 2.99 | Needs burka. |
| Kimberly Guilfoyle | 6.5 | Repulsive without makeup. |
| Kinga Duda | 7.0 | Basic bitch. |
| Kirsten Gillibrand | 5.5 | |
| Kirsten Powers | 5.5 | |
| Kristen Soltis Whatsherface | 7.0 | |
| Kristen Stewart | 8.25 | |
| Kristin Tate | 7.99 | Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people. |
| Kristine Leahy | 8.25 | I dunno, she vascillates from 7.5 to 9.0. |
| Kyle Nolan, Eric Bolling's assistant | 8.25 | LTR material, but not hot per se. |
| Laci Green, the adorable feminazi | 7.25 | Chubbiness offset by implied promiscuity. |
| Laura Ingraham | 6.0 | Getting old. |
| Laura Jayes, the reporter who broke the Turnbull-goofing-on-Trump story | 6.5 | + body, mediocre face. |
| Lauren Southern | 6.49 | Basic Bitch. |
| Lee Ann McAdoo | 6.5 | + boobs, mediocre face. |
| Lili Simmons | 8.5 | At first glance, easily a 9-- but her face looks jacked up under certain angles/lighting. |
| Liv Morgan | 9.0 | |
| Liz Plank | 6.5 | Manly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles. |
| Louise Linton, Steve Mnuchin's wife | 6.49 | Her angry ex-wife face is a turnoff. |
| Lyda Loudon | 6.75 | |
| Maria Bartiromo | 5.99 | GGILF. |
| Maria Butina, Russian Spy | 5.0 | Super ugly face. |
| Marianne Copenhaver, the Neocon Girl | 6.49 | Sexy hair and glasses conceal jacked up face. |
| Marilyn Monroe (Prime) | 6.75 | Basic bitch by today's standards. |
| Marsha Blackburn | 5.5 | GGILF. |
| Martha MacCallum | 5.25 | Getting old. |
| Meghan McCain | 5.25 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005 | 10.0 | Perfect 10 circa 2005. |
| Melania Trump | 5.75 | Beautiful from a great distance. |
| Megyn Kelly | 6.75 | Getting old. |
| Michelle Fields | 6.49 | Nice body, ugly face. |
| Michelle Malkin | 4.25 | She has to go back. |
| Michelle Obama | 2.99 | |
| Michelle Runde | 7.0 | Cutest gainfully employed vegan ever. |
| Mika Brzezinski | 5.49 | I'd do her, tbh. |
| Mila Moire, the artist who lays eggs with her vagina (Prime) | 8.49 | |
| Minka Kelly | 8.99 | She is as hot as you can humanly be without breaking 9. |
| Molly Line | 5.75 | Getting old. |
| Monica Crowley | 4.99 | I think I'd rather do Marsha Blackburn, tbh. |
| Monica Lewinsky circa Clinton affair | 5.75 | I'd do her, tbh. |
| Nadya from Pussy Riot (Nadezhda Tolokonnikova) | 6.25 | Ugly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles. |
| Nasim Aghdam | 5.5 | Getting old. |
| Natasha Bertrand | 6.5 | Super cute, but face has slight hint of Down syndrome. |
| Nancy Pelosi | 1.75 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Natalia Lima, Ed Henry's fmr. mistress. | 6.75 | Older than photos would suggest. |
| Nicolle Wallace | 6.49 | I hate how she spells her name |
| Noor Tagouri, the Hottest Muslim | 7.25 | |
| Norah O'Donnell (Prime) | 8.25 | LTR material. |
| Olivia Harlan | 9.0 | |
| Paige, WWE superstar | 6.75 | |
| Paige, WWE superstar (Prime) | 8.99 | |
| Peyton List | 8.49 | |
| Poppy Harlow | 5.99 | I don't get the appeal. |
| Rachel Maddow | 4.5 | I'd splooge on her, tbh. |
| Riley Reid | 9.25 | |
| Ronna McDaniel, GOP Chairthing | 3.0 | Has Down syndrome face. |
| Roseanne Barr | 1.75 | Needs burka. |
| Salena Zito | 1.99 | Needs burka. |
| Sami Main | 7.0 | Bonus points for looking ~18. |
| Sammi Hanratty | 8.75 | Bonus points for looking ~18. |
| Sandra Smith | 6.5 | Getting old. |
| Sarah Tiana, the hypocritical comedian | 6.49 | |
| Sarah Flores, Trump Propaganda Czar | 5.99 | Oh so close to being hot. |
| Sarah McDaniel, the model w/ husky eyes | 9.5 | A 10 but not a 10. |
| Sarah Huckabee | 2.75 | Looks like a fat racoon. |
| Sarah Palin | 5.75 | GGILF. |
| Sarah Palin (Prime) | 6.99 | |
| SE Cupp | 6.5 | Manly jawline, fat arms. |
| Shannon Bream | 6.75 | Getting old. |
| Sigrid Maurer | 6.24 | Perfect "casting" body. |
| Simona Mangiante, George Papadopoulos' wife | 6.5 | Do not be fooled by the Instagram angles. |
| Shera Berchard (Prime) | 8.0 | |
| Stephanie Ann Cook | 8.75 | |
| Stormy Daniels circa when Trump smashed | 7.5 | Mediocre face. |
| Susan Hennessey, natsat expert | 6.49 | The crazy eyes are starting to work for me. |
| Tamara Holder (Prime) | 6.5 | Submissive personality makes up for repulsive face. |
| Tara Palmieri | 7.49 | Classic marry her to get her off the market, then realize you've made terrible mistake. |
| Taylor Riggs | 7.25 | LTR material. |
| Tiffany Thompson, Ezekiel Elliot's ex | 7.25 | |
| Tiffany Trump | 7.25 | Hot, but kind of looks like a blowup doll. |
| Tomi Lahren | 6.75 | Great body, but has a bitter ex-wife face. |
| Trish Regan | 6.75 | Getting old. |
| Tulsi Gabbard | 4.99 | Looks like a giant eskimo w/ terrible skin.. |
| Whoopi Goldberg | 1.5 | Needs burka ASAP. |
| Zoey Kush | 8.75 | Bonus points for looking ~18. |
