Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

MFP’s Theory of the Evolution of Hot Chicks debunked!?   April 22, 2017

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Unlike climate change zealots, MFP is willing to revisit settled science when new data is presented.

First, a quick primer on the theory.

The causes are debatable (abortion, online dating, etc.), but a form of accelerated natural selection is resulting in increasingly hot chicks. Humanity is inadvertently breeding a class of irresistible sex creatures– not unlike Famke Janssen as “The Perfect Mate” in Star Trek: The Next Generation

Exhibit A

If Audrey Hepburn was magically transported to 2017, she could maybe star in talky indie films?? Or maybe get a job as Natalie Portman’s body double??

But if random actress Sarah Bolger was transported to 1960, she would easily be the cutest woman on Earth…

Exhibit B

If Brigitte Bardot was magically transported to 2017, she could maybe play Emma Stone’s flawed, but well-meaning mother?? Or maybe cash in by getting an NBA player to impregnate her??

But if Margot Robbie was transported to 1960, she would easily be the most beautiful woman on Earth…

Exhibit C

If Marilyn Monroe was magically transported to 2017, she could maybe do hardcore porn?? Or maybe co-star as Amy Schumer’s quirky BFF??

But if Kate Upton was transported to 1960, she would easily be the hottest woman on Earth…

They’re like barely even the same species…

The evidence is irrefutable.

Enter Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin has gotten so comically hot over the past decade (relative to her previous state) that she even looks hot pregnant– which is ordinarily when women are at their most repulsive…

A post shared by Bristol Meyer (@bsmp2) on

The following marks the significant points in Bristol’s stunning metamorphosis…

Homely Bristol

Ok-ish Bristol

Getting Hot Bristol

Conclusion

Bristol ’17 opens the door to the possibility– however unlikely or remote– that what appears to be vast genetic changes over the course of a half century is actually just:

  • Makeup.
  • Hair.
  • Diet.
  • More makeup.
  • Photoshop.
  • And changing preferences.

    For ex: Jane Russell used to be considered attractive, but is disgusting by modern standards…

Further study is needed before MFP’s Accurate Theory of the Evolution of Hot Chicks Into Irresistible Sex Creatures can be fully debunked.

Like, for one thing, while Raquel Welch is universally regarded as one of the sexiest women in the history of cinema?? I feel like I would rather do it to Riley Reid…

Would Smash

Marco Rubio stands in front of amazing, luxurious painting

Congressman Blake Farenthold exists

The Regime

Stay classy: Liberals mock Trump’s worsening dementia

Jim Harbaugh proves that when women say “no”, sometimes they mean “yes”