MFP reports from the Republican National Cuckvention

W K   |   Published July 18, 2016

Minutia

I exaggerated my involvement with a news outlet, applied for media credentials, passed a background check, and here I am.

My primary purpose is to (1) make connections and (2) possibly get laid.

I will communicate observations that may be of interest, if I can do so without jeopardizing my shit.

Met

  • Paul Manafort – He was ~alone in the hotel lobby, I congratulated him on his success, and he told me about his favorite European vacation spots and destinations.
  • Jeff Sessions – I pretended to support his draconian border security measures so that he’d talk to me (turned out to be unnecessary, he was nice).
  • Mike Lee – I told him, “you and Rand are my greatest inspirations” (which is ~true).
  • Newt – Kind of a dick.

Sexism

  • Milo Ysdfdfasflos – Hotter IRL, really, really attractive, no homo.
  • Katie Glueck – Hotter IRL, she has beautiful eyes dude. Now I get why MP digs her.
  • Katrina Pierson – Hotter IRL, but wearing black women’s perfume (you know what I mean).
  • LeAnn McAdoo – Hotter IRL.
  • Lyda Loudon – Hotter IRL, great body.
  • Omarosa – Same IRL.
  • Tana Goertz – Same IRL.
  • Katie Pavlich – Fatter IRL, pic below.
  • S.E. Cupp – Fatter IRL, a real chubber.
  • Ana Kasparian – Uglier IRL.
  • Aly E[redacted] – Still fat.

Speakers

4 days, just 10 potentially non-boring speeches…

Mon. – Make America Safe Again

  • Jason Beardsley
  • Jamiel Shaw
  • Marcus Luttrell
  • Scott Baio
  • Duck Guy
  • Rick Perry
  • Rudy Giuliani
  • Tom Cotton
  • Mike Flynn
  • Melania Trump
  • Joni Ernst

Tues. – Make America Work Again

  • Dana White
  • Kimberlin Brown
  • Scott Walker
  • Donald Trump, Jr.
  • Natalie Gulbis
  • Tiffany Trump
  • Chris Christie
  • Paul Ryno
  • Ben Carson

Wed. – Make America First Again

  • Laura Ingraham
  • Pam Bondi
  • Eric Trump
  • Marco Rubio (by video??)
  • Ted Cruz
  • Newt “and Callista”
  • Mike Pence

Thurs. – Make America One Again

  • Marsha Blackburn
  • Peter Thiel
  • Jerry Falwell, Jr
  • Rinse Pubics
  • Ivanka
  • Trump

Hotel

Saturday, I stayed at [the nice hotel where everybody else is] for $270 (common knowledge now, the Westin).

But VIPs arrive Sunday, so they booked me Sun-Thurs. for ~$200/night at a flea motel 20 miles out of town…

Giant crushed insect on the desk…

Hair left on the bed…

Jizz…

Hard to tell from this pic, but gross…

Reviews on Yelp complained about bed bugs, so I stayed up as long as I could to avoid sleeping on the mattress.

Updates

  • Free breakfast was not bad, considering there is leftover cum on the bed.
  • I got hit on by a black woman in her 40’s. Not interested. We’ll see how my standards hold up through the week.
  • That’s the ugliest dress…

More cov’g HERE.

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