Unarmed, white 19-year-old Dylan Noble was summarily executed by Fresno, CA police last month:
Police said they had responded to the call of a man walking with a rifle. While searching the area, officers said they spotted a truck speeding and tried to pull it over.
“Guy with a rifle, look a truck!” doesn’t seem like the greatest detective work?? But let’s keep going…
Noble pulled into a gas station parking lot and police said he refused to show his hands…Noble was shot a total of four times…Noble already appeared to be on the ground.
The #1 priority of the Fresno PD is to mitigate damages from the inevitable lawsuit and eventual settlement. To that end, the Fresno hired some PR flacks to suggest Noble was suicidal:
When he gets within about 12 feet of the officers, he makes the statement ‘I hate my effing life’.
‘I hate my effing life’
For the uninitiated, “I hate my life” or “I hate my fucking life” is not a declaration of suicidal or homicidal intent. It is a common phrase used to express disbelief or frustration at all manner of bullshit, such as:
- NBA2K full-court shot: “I hate my fucking life”
- Dying on Slither: “I hate my fucking life”
- Squishy Baff guy: “I hate my fucking life”
It is also applicable when an innocent person is ordered to the ground at gunpoint on a hot ass day in Fresno.
This part is good too:
Authorities said the driver, Dylan Noble…led officers on a half mile chase.
Let us take a moment to consider what exactly constitutes a “half-mile chase”.
|Speed||Duration of “chase”|
|80 mph||22.5 seconds|
|60 mph||30 seconds|
|40 mph||45 seconds|
|25 mph||72 seconds|
So like, 5 seconds??
Adam Carolla reax: