Wait, wait, wait: WE ALL KNOW ISLAM CAN’T ACTUALLY TAKE OVER THE WORLD RIGHT? RIGHT??

MFP Published July 2, 2016

Fap check: Is Islam really going to take over the world if we don’t stop them??

It has recently come to my attention that not everybody gets it. We are using the perceived threat of radical Islam to stifle the liberal agenda.

It is in the vital national interest for low-information Republicans to believe the following nonsense:

In reality, 99.999999999999999999999% of those concerned about ISIS will die of cancer or heart disease.

For now, it is important to exaggerate the danger.

But if/when conservatives finally take back power– we cannot actually waste federal funds on this nonexistent threat.

Friendly reminder:
Radical Islam cannot actually ever win

  • Baldness cure

    Drug trials already underway.

    Conservative guesstimate: The next 3-4 drugs will be ineffective and/or cause cancer. Safe, working drug OK’d within 10-15 years. Genetically modified from womb within 75 years.

  • Life Expectancy

    In 1600, life expectancy was ~35. In 2016, ~80.

    Conservative guesstimate: ~100 within 50 years. Genetically extended from womb within 75 years.

  • Penis enlargement

    The first successful penis transplant in the US took place in May.

    Conservative guesstimate: Cosmetic penis transplants will be as common as breast implants within 30 years. Genetically enlarged from womb within 75 years.

  • Robots

    Johansson-bot. McDonald’s. AI drone beat US Air Force drone in simulated combat. AlphaGo def. Go grandmaster Lee Sedol 4-1.

    Conservative guesstimate: Realistic robot sex slaves within 25 years. Robots take over all menial tasks within 50 years. AI butlers, secretaries, companions within 75 years.

  • Interloping

    Europeans cannot resist Jessica Jones, The Girl w/ Dragon Tattoo-esque Arabs and Syrians…

    Conservative guesstimate: They’re technically white already. Add interbreeding, and they’ll be indistinguishable from Europeans within 40 years.

  • Designer babies

    The UK and Netherlands have given the A-OK to genetically modify human embryos.

    Conservative guesstimate: Since genetic modifications are inherited by offspring, there will be major efforts to outlaw such procedures. Delayed, but legal and widespread within 125 years.

    Chinese men will all look like gigantic David Beckhams…

    The blackest men left on Earth will look like Jesse Williams…

Life for avg. Muslim dude in 150 years

  • 10am: Ancestrally Muslim atheist (named James, because his line was whitewashed AF 3 generations earlier) that has been genetically engineered to be a 7’2″ Chris Hemsworth w/ an enormous penis that is expected to live to the ripe old age of 220…

    …wakes up and has an orgy w/ robot sex slaves.

  • Noon: Robot butler gets him dressed and feeds him brunch.
  • 3pm: Breakthroughs in chemistry and below-the-surface farming techniques mean unlimited food and water supply– so James has no job beyond expanding his intellectual horizons through music, charcoal painting, and hallucinogens.
  • 9pm: Has an orgy with other men and genetically engineered women that look like Britney Spears (in her prime).
  • 11pm: Dinner.
  • 12am Gets exercise w/ Call of Duty in his holodeck.
  • 2am Looks out at the stars and LOLs dismissively at the superstitious, God-fearing “cave dwellers” that came before him.

Godless heathens shall inherit the Earth…

Orgy. Eat. Art. Play. Orgy. Eat. Shallow philosophizing. Sleep. Repeat.

James isn’t suicide bombing shit.

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* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links

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