MFP reax to Beto's beard Post-New Year's
2020 Power Rankings
Beto O'Rourke's
Path to the Nomination
Richard Ojeda's
Path to the Nomination
Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

Just 164 days into 2016, already 1,700 deaths from pools

Musha Hadeen Published June 13, 2016

Vox, following the Orlando gay nightclub shooting: More people killed in mass shootings than days this year

We’re 164 days into 2016…133 mass shootings.

There have been 76 days this year with mass shootings in the United States — and 88 days without. A total of 207 people have died in those incidents.

Sounds dire.

Oh wait…

Number of American Deaths (domestic)

Per year avg. Total
Saddam Hussein(1991 to 12/2003) 0(29.8 overseas) 0(358 overseas)
Slobodan Milošević(“The next Hitler”) 0 0
M. Ahmadinejad(“The next, next Hitler”) 0 0
Vladimir Putin(Also “the next Hitler”) 0 0
ISIS(1999-present) 0 0
ISIS-inspired(1999-present) 3.8 64
Lightning(past 20 years) 51
Al-Qaeda(1993-present) 146.25 3,364
Mass shootings(20152016) ~469 ~938
Pools(non-boating) 3,536
African-Americans(2010-2015) 4,232 21,164
AIDS 13kCDC 660k
Flulolwut 24kNPR
Suicide 40kUSA Today
Diabetes 76kCDC

“Mass shootings” (defined by Gun Violence Archive as “4 or more shot and/or killed in a single event) is among the least common causes of death in America.

Even if the number of mass shootings per year tripled– and then quadrupled, and then multiplied by 100– your odds of being massacred would still be less 1 percent…which is to say, virtually ZERO.

Chupacabra

Statistically speaking, the chances of dying in a mass shooting or getting killed by Islamic terrorists are roughly equal to that of getting eaten by the mythical Chupacabra.

This is happening

MFP’s 2018
Year End Awards

MFP accurately presents awards for 2018's greatest Uncle Tom, hottest porn star, and much, much more!

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If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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MFP accurately projects

Here’s Beto’s path to the Democrat nomination

Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses.

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MFP accurately projects

Post-New Year's 2020 Power Rankings

Top presidential candidates typically don't make it official until the spring, but falling poll numbers have forced Team Warren to declare early.

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The Regime

Actually, government shutdowns aren't that bad

Just between you and me, a temporary government shutdown is a total non-event.

THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

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EEach night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

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Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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Would Smash

MFP accurately reax to “Dear White People”

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Kristin Tate understandably checks herself out

The Regime

MFP apologizes to John McCain after Trumpcare vote

Dana Milbank goofs on “balding” Reince Priebus even though he’s bald too

Would marry

Bollywood actress somehow became the most Beautiful Woman on Earth