El Chorro joins the Tinder: Part II

El Chorro   |   Published June 7, 2016

El Chorro Spends His First Frustrating Week On the Tinder

(The second in a spellbinding series. Click here for Part I.)

It has been one week, and El Chorro has made five “matches” on the Tinder.

I have learned a great deal about the psychology of online dating, in these exasperating past few days.

My “matches” have all had bad experiences with online dating, so they will not meet with me. They want to text and text forever like prison pen pals, so they can romanticize me, and then never meet me and be disappointed.

This is very frustrating.

They know I am who I say I am because my Facebook profile, such as it is, corroborates my identity. It is not difficult to comb through someone’s Facebook page to check for additional sanity indicators (or rack photos, which is my practice).

So what are they afraid of?

That I will be as awful as the last 50 guys? That the El Chorro who charms them with carefully crafted text messages will not be an El Chorro who can speak this way face to face? That the dreamy Prince Charming I become after an hour of texting will just be an ordinary gaucho with a paunch under his poncho?

But Tinder is the middle-age solution to online dating. Tinder is like a mutual friend who introduces us, not a cynical matchmaker looking for a quick commission.

The problem is that as stunning as their photos are, these women have lost the confidence to actually meet someone. It is the scourge of these modern times, and a harbinger of The Death of Western Civilization (not that my “matches” are still fertile).

I’ve actually had texting discussions with women about meeting over coffee that sound like I’ve asked them to perform unnatural acts upon me…

I am not ready…

I want to go slow…

I’ve had my share of guys in a hurry…

Yes, amigos, “in a hurry”…to meet for coffee!

To El Chorro, a student of the Old School, Tinder is the introduction, and coffee is the first step, not third base. We shouldn’t even be texting this much until after we’ve met! It’s backwards, upside down, and maddening for El Chorro!

Even a lovely woman who gave me her real phone number suddenly changed her mind about meeting. They all understand we are not “hook up” people; that is not the issue. And I offer a simple meeting in a busy coffeehouse near to them, so that we can, you know…MEET.

Just as a frustrated El Chorro was about to delete his account, however, one of them said yes…

Coming soon: My first Tinder date.

Bwahahaha! Trump throws loyal Nazi Paul Ryan under the bus

For 2 years, Paul Ryan has been a reliable rubber stamp for the Trump regime's Nazi agenda. His reward?

Read More

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Read More

MFP’s Accurate 2020
Power Rankings

Trump maintains a 66% chance of reerection.

Read More

Actually, Trump can unilaterally fire Mueller

Many nerds mistakenly believe the Administrative Procedure Act of 1946 prevents Trump from firing Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Here's why they're wrong.

Read More

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Every night, Tucker Carlson trolls coastal liberal elites with his plucky, yet affable tribalism. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the great Roger Ailes. Prior to that, Tucker was your run-of-the-mill, Northeastern moderate elitist.

Read More

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Read More
Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Read More
The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

Read More

Do you even UFC bro?

UFC contender Kevin Lee: Irish people have “bad genetics”

Would Smash

MFP constructs the perfect conservative woman

Dinesh D’Souza: The Native American genocide is nobody’s fault

Michael Savage: Hugh Hewitt is a “slimeball”, “phony”

Would Smash

Greta Van Susteren’s fmr. assistant Jennifer Holton, would ya?

Chael Sonnen would lose respect for Trump if he picks a chick VP