Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

El Chorro joins the Tinder: Part II   June 7, 2016

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El Chorro Spends His First Frustrating Week On the Tinder

(The second in a spellbinding series. Click here for Part I.)

It has been one week, and El Chorro has made five “matches” on the Tinder.

I have learned a great deal about the psychology of online dating, in these exasperating past few days.

My “matches” have all had bad experiences with online dating, so they will not meet with me. They want to text and text forever like prison pen pals, so they can romanticize me, and then never meet me and be disappointed.

This is very frustrating.

They know I am who I say I am because my Facebook profile, such as it is, corroborates my identity. It is not difficult to comb through someone’s Facebook page to check for additional sanity indicators (or rack photos, which is my practice).

So what are they afraid of?

That I will be as awful as the last 50 guys? That the El Chorro who charms them with carefully crafted text messages will not be an El Chorro who can speak this way face to face? That the dreamy Prince Charming I become after an hour of texting will just be an ordinary gaucho with a paunch under his poncho?

But Tinder is the middle-age solution to online dating. Tinder is like a mutual friend who introduces us, not a cynical matchmaker looking for a quick commission.

The problem is that as stunning as their photos are, these women have lost the confidence to actually meet someone. It is the scourge of these modern times, and a harbinger of The Death of Western Civilization (not that my “matches” are still fertile).

I’ve actually had texting discussions with women about meeting over coffee that sound like I’ve asked them to perform unnatural acts upon me…

I am not ready…

I want to go slow…

I’ve had my share of guys in a hurry…

Yes, amigos, “in a hurry”…to meet for coffee!

To El Chorro, a student of the Old School, Tinder is the introduction, and coffee is the first step, not third base. We shouldn’t even be texting this much until after we’ve met! It’s backwards, upside down, and maddening for El Chorro!

Even a lovely woman who gave me her real phone number suddenly changed her mind about meeting. They all understand we are not “hook up” people; that is not the issue. And I offer a simple meeting in a busy coffeehouse near to them, so that we can, you know…MEET.

Just as a frustrated El Chorro was about to delete his account, however, one of them said yes…

Coming soon: My first Tinder date.

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