You know who I want to spend the rest of my life with? Naked Shakespeare in the park chick

Mark Capra Published May 23, 2016

When I read there was going to be an all-female, naked production of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest” at Central Park, I was HIV-positive that the women involved would be repulsive.

And for the most part, my preconceived notions were proven correct:

But there was 1 stunning exception, Marisa Roper:


I know what you’re thinking:

She’s probably a liberal, bro! 60-year-old conservative chicks who don’t even get periods anymore like Ann Coulter are so much hotter bro! My girlfriend is way better looking, bro!

  • (1) Your girlfriend not better looking. And I think you know that.
  • (2) You don’t even have a girlfriend. And if you did, she definitely isn’t hotter than Marisa.

To anyone who was on the community pier at 1:15PM today: I sincerely apologize for showing you my butt. It was necessary to take this artsy dance picture. I hope that you can find it in yourself to forgive my basic-ness, and any scarring images that it has burned into your memory 🍑😵

A photo posted by Marisa Roper (@marisa.roper) on

And she certainly can’t do this:

A video posted by Marisa Roper (@marisa.roper) on

 

Best case scenario

The odds of Marisa and I living happily ever after are virtually nil.

Here’s the only scenario in which I see it happening:

I get bitten by a vampire. But through a quirk of fate, I become a vampire with a soul. I spend my lonely existence brooding– beset with guilt– hopelessly wandering the Earth trying to atone for my sins.

Then 1 day, I happen to save Marisa from violent Bernie bros. And even though I fall in love with her instantly?? At the same time, I don’t want to fall for her because I never want to be vulnerable again! I’m just like:

And as you might expect, my reluctance to do her only serves to make me more attractive in her eyes. So.

Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
Would Smash

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

Read More
Green New Deal

MFP accurately reax to the Green New Deal

The Green New Deal presupposes that recent global temperature and weather patterns (~500 out of 4.5 billion years) are "correct" and should be frozen in place in perpetuity.

Read More
THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

Read More

Alex Jones reveals: Sandy Hook massacre was “completely fake with actors”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More

Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

Read More
Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

Read More
Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

Read More
Would Smash

BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

Read More
Bwahahahaha!

Watch: GOP strategerist Gianno Caldwell CRIES like a baby!!!

Tough guy sellout Gianno Caldwell cries when Trump finally goes after him!

Read More
The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson got cucked!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

Read More
* Votes are irreversable and legally binding.
FYI
Actually, terrorism was so much worse in the 1980’s We live in a veritable Utopian paradise compared to the violence of the past.
Contrary to the ratings-driven cable news narrative-- which has a financial stake in frightening elderly, low-information voters-- there are fewer terrorist incidents today than any time since the advent of modern terrorism. Read more »
Links
Would Smash

NJ Gov-Elect Phil Murphy’s wife is a MILF

Would Smash

MFP accurately rates this Hot Korean Chick

Confirmed:

Confirmed: When women say “NO”, sometimes they mean “YES”

Jennifer Rubin is even more retarded than anti-Semites claimed

Would Smash

Blonde chick is LTR material even though she hates Trump and loves Canada