Beto O'Rourke's
Path to the Nomination
Richard Ojeda's
Path to the Nomination
Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

MFP constructs the perfect conservative woman

MFP & co. Published June 20, 2015

Shannon Bream’s education

The perfect conservative woman should be smart but not too smart. She should have a 4-year college degree, but not from a real school. A fake Christian scam like Liberty University is perfect– it eensures she has a semi-legitimate degree without having blown a bunch of dudes at parties, like pretty much every chick that goes to FSU.

Melissa Theuriau’s shallowlessness

The perfect conservative woman cares a lot about what she looks like, but is indifferent to your appearance. Rest easy knowing she will never leave you for a better-looking guy…

Tina Korbe’s innocence

The perfect conservative woman is sexually-repressed. You want to be the first man she is fully vulnerable with– you don’t want her having a special place in her heart for some Linkin Park clone douchebag at a frat party…

Sara Eisen’s clingy-ness

The perfect conservative woman is strong (you want her to be able to handle shit in case you’re ever in a coma or something)– but still insecure enough to nag you to marry her, be jealous of other women, and sexually degrade herself to satisfy you (in part, as a result of having an absent or distant father that she tried but failed to please)…

Tamara Holder’s sexual depravity

I like to, you know, do bad things…immoral things.

Melissa Theuriau’s mid-2000’s Ethereal Beauty

The perfect conservative woman possesses the angelic beauty of Melissa Theuriau circa 2002-2009, which makes up for any genetic shortcomings you may pass on to your offspring…

I mean, she even looks hot dressed like this…

Ainsley Earhardt’s BJ skills

Katie Pavlich’s knockers

Jedsdfsdfkksdfhsdf Bila’s butt

Bristol Palin’s legs

The perfect conservative woman has substantial thighs– not fat, but enough to suggest she can rear multiple children…

If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

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MFP accurately projects

Here’s Beto’s path to the Democrat nomination

Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses.

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THIS IS AWKWARD

Asians and Jews do better than Blacks at the SAME “failing” schools

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that either.

Low-Information Voters

Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

EEach night, Tucker Carlson trolls liberal elites with his plucky yet affable demeanor. But this character was only written 3 years ago by the legendary Roger Ailes.

Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
playing golf.

“He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

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Alex Jones reveals:
Sandy Hook massacre was
“completely fake with actors”

“Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

Alex Jones insists
he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Bwahahaha!
Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

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Would Marry

The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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Emergency Fap Check

Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

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BREAKING:
The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

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The Cuckening

Wow, Jordan Peterson
got cucked hard!

Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

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Al Sharpton takes credit for the pyramids

Alex Jones accurately claims lesbians are part of CIA op

Would Smash

CNN’s Sara Murray lost a lot of weight

Fall of Western Civilization

Miss America In Decline

Bwahahaha! ESPN NFL Sunday Countdown won’t let female host talk