UPDATE 1/5/19: This was uh, yeah I’m sorry for this content.
Nevertheless, Politico is the paper of record for Washington’s elite– driving the national political narrative with Obama regime talking points disguised as “insider scoops”.
Though it is well-established that Katie Glueck is the most beautiful woman at Politico— as a service to our readers, MFP has compiled a list of the best-looking chicks at this anti-American den of snakes…
|Elena Chiriboga||Elena Chiriboga is Senior Web Producer for Politico Pro— a version of Politico targeted at professionals that will never pay for Politico Pro. This is a half-baked attempt at opening up a new revenue stream that closes shop in 6 months, tops. See for yourself, it sucks.|
|Racheal Bade||Tax reporter and part-time professional dancer. That’s hot, except you would expect a dancer to be skinnier. Racheal would benefit greatly from a juice fast and 2-3x more makeup. You can “learn more” HERE.|
|Caroline Cullen||Caroline Cullen has a legit rack. I would happily sign up for a 1-year subscription to Politico Magazine to caress those knockers for just 30 seconds. Currently, Caroline works on Politico Pro’s web team– which consists primarily of cropping thumbnails and being ignored by Elena Chiriboga. You can “learn more” about the aforementioned rack HERE.|
|Allie Grasgreen||Allie Grasgreen reports on issues concerning higher education. I can’t think of a single negative thing to say about her. I would totes smash.|
|Jessica Huff||Jessica Huff is a Web Producer. She does the same thing as a Senior Web Producer, except she gets paid less. Huff is a big Texan woman– too much woman for me. But if you’re into that, you can “learn more” HERE.|
|Emily Schultheis||Emily Schultheis is an excellent reporter– and, for a woman– very intelligent. But I can’t be the only one who finds her impossibly difficult name to spell kind of a turn-off. You can “send tips” to Emily HERE.|
|Aubree Eliza Weaver||Aubree is ridiculously cute. Her adorableness rivals even that of Katie Glueck’s. Like most web producers, she hates her job (I assume)– deriving little satisfaction from styling blockquotes for Jonathan Topatz’s imaginary made-up “sources close to to the situation”. You can “learn more” HERE.|
|Catherine Martel||Politico Media Coordinator. I would break her off some. But word on the street is that nobody likes her. If pressed, her co-workers will doth protest too much– but the general consensus is that she has a stick up her hootenanny. You can “learn more” HERE.|
|Sloane Potter||Oh, big surprise– Events Associate Sloane Potter is a super cute hipster. Is she insipid and vapid?? Kind of, but she’s TOTES ADORBS. You can “learn more” HERE.|