Without further ado.
Whether by providence or happenstance, the last 3 years of American history bears a striking resemblance to Game Of Thrones:
|Ned Stark, like seriously??||Erection 2016|
|Joffrey is such a dick!||2017-2018|
|Sansa gets raped lots||Children in cages|
|Cersei beats Margaery||Ron DeSantis wins|
|Jon Snow dies||Beta O’Dork loses|
|Jon Snow resurrected by slutty witch||TBA|
The only logical conclusion to this saga is Beta 2020.
Post Midterms 2020 Power Rankings
Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses. The smart play is to come in last minute, relying on free earned media while other candidates spend the next 18 months begging corporate donors for money.
Keep in mind that the millisecond Beta enters the race, he occupies the Young Charismatic Lane, and instantly renders Cory Booker, Eric Garcetti, and Eric Swalwell moot.
Here is my only beef w/ Beta:
I’ve driven drunk or high like 10,000x. Not a problem.
However, I take issue w/ the fact that Beta would (almost certainly) support harsh penalties on those guilty for the same so-called “crime” that he himself committed and received a slap on the wrist for.
It is not unlike when Bush and Obama oversaw prosecutions of marijuana and cocaine users– total dick move!
I’ve been skeptical.
But of late, Kamala has succeeded in convincingly approximating normal human emotion, and perfectly capturing the broad sentiment of Americans of average intelligence or above:
While she has little chance of breaking through in Nazi-occupied flyover country, the midterms proved equally progressive, far-less skilled Democrats can win in MI, PA, and WI (good chance she only needs 2 of the 3).
There was the wife and the loan from the bank, aka the Jews, aka the Council on Foreign Relations, aka Seth Rich??
Even though MFP has a well-earned reputation for thinly-veiled anti-Semitism?? I can’t pretend to give a shit about this:
I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW.
If I have to choose between:
Get my brownshirt and armband because there is no fucking way I’m voting for Warren.
Sorry, but I am evolutionarily predisposed to hate nagging women (unless they are extremely hot and between the ages of 18-24 (and by 18-24, I mean 17 in some states-24))– and even then, it’s borderline intolerable.
Kirsten insists that she is only focused on her reerection campaign, which means that she’s definitely running for POTUS.
At her best, Kirsten is charming, likable, and an excellent communicator…
Unfortunately, she is cursed with recurring obesity that makes her look like an elementary school cafeteria lady ~50% of the time.
Eric Garcetti is the quintessential bumbling but lovable well-meaning sitcom dad. He is virtually indistinguishable from Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy.
Anyone who claims they don’t want to be BFFs w/ Garcetti is a goddamn liar.
His wife won’t even take on his last name, which must be emasculating.
But never underestimate Americans’ propensity to erect presidents that are the polar opposites of their predecessors.
Unfortunately, Beto is essentially a cooler, more likable, better-looking, more recognizable, and less tied-to-unpopular-legislation version of Garcetti.
||If half-naked, terrified young women in ragged clothing held in captivity for decades escaped from a hidden dungeon in one of Gavin’s Newsom’s mansions– would you really be that surprised??
Other than the seemingly ever-present threat of scandal, Gavin checks all the boxes:
Here’s the thing.
If Joe Biden ran in 2016, he would have won MI, PA, and/or WI– and he would be POTUS today.
Instead, he chickened out, and blamed his dead kid.
Now that he’s finally mustered up the courage to run, it’s too late. He’s going to be as old as Bernie Sanders looks by 2020.
This dude is so thirsty for the progressive base, but it’s always 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Cory is desperate to distance himself from his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.
But then Big Pharma called…
To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.
Cuomo is only up here because he’s a big name from a big state that can raise a lot of money.
But let’s think this through: A scandal-ridden, anti-gun New York governor and a primary calendar that starts in Iowa, then New Hampshire, then swings through the South, and then swings through the Midwest??
We don’t even get to Cuomo-friendly states– to the extent there are any– until Mid-March and April!
As the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee investigating Russia, Adam can get on cable news whenever the fuck he wants.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that he looks like a weasel.
It’s not fair, it’s not right, but much like Carly ’16— the more people are exposed to Schiff, the less they will like him…
|Castro Bros.||Imagine that mug on Iowa mailers?? Buena suerte, mi amigo!|
He’s like a Hispanic Mike Pence…
Who spells “Javier” with an “X”, anyway??
With the failure to repeal Obamacare (which the Reich’s poor, uneducated supporters disproportionately rely on), Trump’s odds of reerection had risen to 66.6%. But the passage of FL’s Amendment 4, which grants ~1 million felons the right to vote, Trump’s odds have fallen to 60%.