Post-Midterms 2020 Power Rankings

MFP & co.   Published November 7, 2018

For the record, MFP has a 90+% accuracy rate prior to erection night on Tuesday– in which we hit on 10 out of 11 Senate race picks (recounts not withstanding).

Without further ado.

Whether by providence or happenstance, the last 3 years of American history bears a striking resemblance to Game Of Thrones:

Ned Stark, like seriously?? Erection 2016
Joffrey is such a dick! 2017-2018
Red Wedding Charlottesville
Sansa gets raped lots Children in cages
Cersei beats Margaery Ron DeSantis wins
Jon Snow dies Beta O’Dork loses
Jon Snow resurrected by slutty witch TBA

The only logical conclusion to this saga is Beta 2020.

Post Midterms 2020 Power Rankings

Beta O’Dork

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 9
  • Speech 9
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 3
  • It could be a cakewalk.

    Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses. The smart play is to come in last minute, relying on free earned media while other candidates spend the next 18 months begging corporate donors for money.

    Keep in mind that the millisecond Beta enters the race, he occupies the Young Charismatic Lane, and instantly renders Cory Booker, Eric Garcetti, and Eric Swalwell moot.

    Here is my only beef w/ Beta:

    I’ve driven drunk or high like 10,000x. Not a problem.

    However, I take issue w/ the fact that Beta would (almost certainly) support harsh penalties on those guilty for the same so-called “crime” that he himself committed and received a slap on the wrist for.

    It is not unlike when Bush and Obama oversaw prosecutions of marijuana and cocaine users– total dick move!

    Odds

    • Beta runs: 20%
    • Beta wins the nomination if he runs: 51%
    • Beta beats Trump if he wins the nomination: 51%
    • Any other Democrat beats Trump: 40%
    Kamala Harris

  • Communism 8
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 5
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 6
  • I’ve been skeptical.

    But of late, Kamala has succeeded in convincingly approximating normal human emotion, and perfectly capturing the broad sentiment of Americans of average intelligence or above:

    While she has little chance of breaking through in Nazi-occupied flyover country, the midterms proved equally progressive, far-less skilled Democrats can win in MI, PA, and WI (good chance she only needs 2 of the 3).

    Colonel Sanders

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 2
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 3
  • There was the wife and the loan from the bank, aka the Jews, aka the Council on Foreign Relations, aka Seth Rich??

    Even though MFP has a well-earned reputation for thinly-veiled anti-Semitism?? I can’t pretend to give a shit about this:

    Jane Sanders, who led Burlington College from 2004 to 2011, spent millions on a new campus — 33 acres along the bank of Lake Champlain — to attract more students and donations from alumni. It didn’t work: The college failed to recruit enough students or donations to repay its debts.

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 3
  • Speech 4
  • Interview 6
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 4
  • I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW.

    If I have to choose between:

    • (A) A literal evil Nazi like Trump (except that Trump is inefficient and far below avg. Aryan/Ashkenazi/Japanese intelligence).
    • (B) A nagging kindergarten teacher slash tyrannical PTA lady like Warren

    Get my brownshirt and armband because there is no fucking way I’m voting for Warren.

    Sorry, but I am evolutionarily predisposed to hate nagging women (unless they are extremely hot and between the ages of 18-24 (and by 18-24, I mean 17 in some states-24))– and even then, it’s borderline intolerable.

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 2
  • Kirsten insists that she is only focused on her reerection campaign, which means that she’s definitely running for POTUS.

    At her best, Kirsten is charming, likable, and an excellent communicator…

    Unfortunately, she is cursed with recurring obesity that makes her look like an elementary school cafeteria lady ~50% of the time.

    Sad!

    Eric Garcetti

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 6
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 10
  • Scandals 5
  • Eric Garcetti is the quintessential bumbling but lovable well-meaning sitcom dad. He is virtually indistinguishable from Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy.

    Anyone who claims they don’t want to be BFFs w/ Garcetti is a goddamn liar.

    His wife won’t even take on his last name, which must be emasculating.

    But never underestimate Americans’ propensity to erect presidents that are the polar opposites of their predecessors.

    Unfortunately, Beto is essentially a cooler, more likable, better-looking, more recognizable, and less tied-to-unpopular-legislation version of Garcetti.

    Gavin Newsom

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 9
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 4
  • Scandals 8
  • If half-naked, terrified young women in ragged clothing held in captivity for decades escaped from a hidden dungeon in one of Gavin’s Newsom’s mansions– would you really be that surprised??

    Other than the seemingly ever-present threat of scandal, Gavin checks all the boxes:

    Joe Biden

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 8
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 5
  • Here’s the thing.

    If Joe Biden ran in 2016, he would have won MI, PA, and/or WI– and he would be POTUS today.

    Instead, he chickened out, and blamed his dead kid.

    Now that he’s finally mustered up the courage to run, it’s too late. He’s going to be as old as Bernie Sanders looks by 2020.

    Cory Booker

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 5
  • This dude is so thirsty for the progressive base, but it’s always 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

    Cory is desperate to distance himself from his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.

    But then Big Pharma called…

    To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.

    Andrew Cuomo

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 7
  • Speech 6
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 0
  • Scandals 8
  • Cuomo is only up here because he’s a big name from a big state that can raise a lot of money.

    But let’s think this through: A scandal-ridden, anti-gun New York governor and a primary calendar that starts in Iowa, then New Hampshire, then swings through the South, and then swings through the Midwest??

    We don’t even get to Cuomo-friendly states– to the extent there are any– until Mid-March and April!

    No chance.

    Adam Schiff

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 4
  • Look 1
  • Speech 3
  • Interview 6
  • Likability 2
  • Scandals 3
  • As the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee investigating Russia, Adam can get on cable news whenever the fuck he wants.

    That’s the good news.

    The bad news is that he looks like a weasel.

    It’s not fair, it’s not right, but much like Carly ’16— the more people are exposed to Schiff, the less they will like him…

    Castro Bros. Imagine that mug on Iowa mailers?? Buena suerte, mi amigo!
    Xavier Becerra He’s like a Hispanic Mike Pence…

    Who spells “Javier” with an “X”, anyway??

    GTFO.

    Amy Klasdfochar No.
    Deval Patrick No.

    With the failure to repeal Obamacare (which the Reich’s poor, uneducated supporters disproportionately rely on), Trump’s odds of reerection had risen to 66.6%. But the passage of FL’s Amendment 4, which grants ~1 million felons the right to vote, Trump’s odds have fallen to 60%.

    If Vladimir Putin had sent her instead, she'd be the First Lady by now

    What was the GRU thinking?? I feel like Maria Butina would have a hard time placing in a Dagestanian beauty pageant.

    Read More
    MFP accurately projects

    Post-Midterms 2020 Power Rankings

    Beta has 100% name ID and approaching universal favorability among the Democrat activists that will decide the Iowa caucuses.

    Read More

    Actually, Trump can unilaterally fire Mueller

    Many nerds mistakenly believe the Administrative Procedure Act of 1946 prevents Trump from firing Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Here's why they're wrong.

    Read More
    Low-Information Voters

    Tucker Carlson: Tea Party conservatives are “morons”

    Each night, Tucker Carlson trolls coastal liberal elites with his plucky yet affable tribalism. But this character was only written 3 years ago by legedary TV executive Roger Ailes.

    Mark Levin suddenly doesn't have a problem with the President
    playing golf.

    “He’s hooked on golf like drug addicts are hooked on drugs…he used to do pot, he used to do coke, now he does golf!”

    Read More

    Alex Jones reveals:
    Sandy Hook massacre was
    “completely fake with actors”

    “Sandy Hook is a synthetic, completely fake, with actors, in my view, manufactured...zero murders occurred in Newtown, you've got the green screens...there were actors, clearly.”

    Alex Jones insists
    he didn’t promote Pizzagate, but here’s his deleted video

    In a February, Alex Jones denied ever promoting Pizzagate, blaming the media for spreading misinformation-- but here's his deleted video!

    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More

    Bwahahaha!
    Rand Paul Totally Betrays Libertarians

    Since Trump's erection, fmr. libertarian Rand Paul has shamelessly flip-flopped on issues including Executive Orders, Executive Powers, Immigration, and much more!

    Read More
    Would Marry

    The Most Beautiful Intelligent Woman on Planet Earth.

    This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

    Read More
    Emergency Fap Check

    Wait, Is Sarah McDaniel Actually The Hottest Smart Chick On Earth??

    Earlier this year, MFP declared Emma Dumont "the most beautiful smart woman on Earth". But reader Nate recently urged MFP to reconsider.

    Read More

    BREAKING:
    The 2 Cutest Girls at Purdue are Republican!

    According to MFP's research, this is the 1st time this has ever happened!

    Read More
    The Cuckening

    Wow, Jordan Peterson
    got cucked hard!

    Jordan Peterson is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person is like. He’s made a fortune off making retards feel smart by parroting his pseudointellectual “common sense”.

    Read More

    Do you even UFC bro?

    UFC champ Michael Bisping: Confederate flag people are “assholes”

    The Regime

    Michael Savage trolls Hannity for being Michael Cohen’s client

    Glenn Beck jokes that Alex Jones is gay

    Michael Savage vs. Paleo Diet bro guy

    Jennifer Rubin is even more retarded than anti-Semites claimed

    The Regime

    Real Mike Pence calls Howard Stern