Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

MFP accurately ranks Harvey Weinstein’s alleged victims by order of hotness   October 7, 2017

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Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein allegedly assaulted or harassed countless women between 1990 and 2015. As a service to our readers, MFP accurately ranks them below by order of hotness.

Ambra Battlasdfsadfd

Aspiring model Ambra Basdfdfd alleges that in March 2015:

Weinstein…’grabbed her breasts after asking if they were real and put his hands up her skirt.’

Lots of dudes are into this “exotic” look?? But I feel like it borders on tranny-esque (which is fine, but at the same time, ew)…


Incidentally, it’s the same reason MFP rating guidelines state that “a German woman can never exceed 8.5/10” due to their harsh facial features and austere disposition.

Rose McGowan

Rose looks like Kim Kardashian’s mom now.

But back when Harvey made his move in 1997, Rose was excruciatingly close to breaking 8/10.

Ashley Judd

Harvey allegedly put the moves on Ashley in 1996, during which she was a legit 8/10.

What I hate most is that Wesley Crusher got to make out with her in her prime…

To her credit, Ashley remains a MILF to this day.

Jenny Barth

Jenny Barth is so hot that she was still really hot 2 years after her 2013 prime when Harvey allegedly came on to her…

Initially, I was inclined to rate Jenny 9/10, but upon closer examination– it’s that slutty bleach blonde hair look.

If you look closely?? 7.49/10.

Lauren Sivan

~10 years ago, Harvey allegedly masturbated in a restaurant in front of Lauren Sivan:

Weinstein trapped her in the hallway of a restaurant and masturbated in front of her until he ejaculated into a potted plant in the hall.

But here’s the thing.

If you don’t allow your erection to cloud your judgment?? Lauren is actually just a 7 (and that’s being generous)…

But her implied sluttyness makes her irresistible, and by far the most carnally desirable of Harvey’s alleged victims…

As such, MFP hereby grants Harvey complete and total moral absolution for jerking it in her presence.

6.75 + Implied Sluttyness + (-10 years) = 9.5/10.

UPDATE: MFP cannot keep up w/ the avalanche of allegations. Suffice it to say, I would have used my position to bang all those bitches.

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Would Smash

You know who I want to make love to? This chick in prison