Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

2020 Power Rankings   October 6, 2017

God damn he’s affable.

Which, in the current political climate, is a liability.

I am inclined to dismiss LA Mayor Eric Garcetti’s chances due to his cuckish affect. But, in politics as in war, there is always the danger of fighting the last war. And Americans have a tendency to erect presidents that are the polar opposite of their predecessor…

However unlikely as it seems at the moment, I cannot rule out the possibility that in 2 years, Murica will desire an educated, emotionally stable pussy that speaks in complete sentences and reads books like a little tolerant bitch.

2020 Power Rankings

    Gavin Newsom

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 9
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 4
  • Scandals 8
  • If half-naked young women held in captivity for a decade escaped from a hidden dungeon in one of Gavin’s Newsom’s mansions– would anyone really be that surprised??

    Other than the seemingly ever-present threat of scandal, Gavin checks all the boxes:

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 6
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 4
  • A little of Warren’s nagging kindergarten teacher, tyrannical PTA lady schtick goes a long way.

    Case in point: Here, Bill Maher throws Warren a series of hanging curveballs– but instead of using the opportunity to convey humility and warmth– she proceeds to remind everyone what it’s like to be left alone with their scary mother-in-law…

    Still, name ID and fundraising should keep her in the top tier until February-ish.

    Colonel Sanders

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 2
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 3
  • I know, I know.

    The wife and the loan from the bank, aka the Jews aka the Council on Foreign Relations aka Seth Rich.

    MFP has a well-earned reputation for thinly-veiled anti-Semitism, but even I can’t pretend to give a shit about this:

    Jane Sanders, who led Burlington College from 2004 to 2011, spent millions on a new campus — 33 acres along the bank of Lake Champlain — to attract more students and donations from alumni. It didn’t work: The college failed to recruit enough students or donations to repay its debts and even came close to losing its accreditation.

    On the other hand, he’s going to be like 1,000-years-old by 2020.

    Kamala Harris

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 6
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 5
  • Political scouts raved about California’s star Attorney General, Kamala Harris. She came to the Senate with the hype of a #1 draft pick.

    But in her 1st 6 months, Kamala looks more like Ryan Leaf than Peyton Manning.

    In hypothetical 2020 matchups vs. Trump, Kamala polls behind Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Cory Fucking Booker.

    Sad!

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 2
  • Kirsten insists that she is only focused on her reerection campaign, which means that she’s definitely running for POTUS.

    At her best, Kirsten is charming, likable, and an excellent communicator…

    Unfortunately, she is cursed with recurring obesity that makes her look like an elementary school cafeteria lady ~50% of the time.

    Sad!

    Joe Biden

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 8
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 5
  • Here’s the crazy thing: At this age, Trump cums dust. And Biden is even 3 years older than Trump!

    Whatever else went on in ’16, Trump outworked and outhustled Hillary in the closing days of the campaign.

    Can a 76-year-old (by 2020) Joe Biden muster up that kind of fire??

    I kinda doubt it.

    On the other hand, what better way to get your mind off your son’s creepy weirdo affair than a presidential campaign??

    Cory Booker

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 5
  • 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

    Cory tried to distance himself from his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by testifying against his colleague, Jeff Sessions– and ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.

    But then Big Pharma called…

    To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.

    Andrew Cuomo

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 7
  • Speech 6
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 1
  • Scandals 8
  • Cuomo is a big name from a big state that can raise a lot of money.

    But let’s think this through:

    A scandal-ridden, anti-gun New York governor vs. a primary calendar that starts in Iowa, then goes to New Hampshire, then swings through the South, and then swings through the Midwest??

    We don’t even get to Cuomo-friendly states– to the extent there even are any– until mid-March and April!

    Eric Garcetti

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 6
  • Look 8
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 8
  • Scandals 5
  • Garcetti would be ranked higher, except that his 2 paths to the presidency are being cockblocked by Gavin Newsom (Governor) and Dianne Feinstein (Senate).

    Increasingly, it looks like Garcetti will have to wait until 2024– but there is danger in that as well: The longer one stays in any administrative position, the more skeletons accumulate in one’s closet.

    Incidentally, he bears a startling resemblance to Phil Dunphy…

    Also, his wife Amy Wakeland refuses to take his last name, which must be emasculating…

    Tim Ryan

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 4
  • Look 6
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 3
  • This goofy bastard.

    To his credit, when she does put on makeup– which is rare– Tim’s wife is more desirable than Melania…

    Adam Schiff

  • Communism 7
  • Fundraising 5
  • Look 1
  • Speech 3
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 5
  • Scandals 3
  • As the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee investigating Russia, Adam can get on cable news whenever the fuck he wants.

    That’s the good news.

    The bad news is that he looks like a weasel.

    It’s not fair, it’s not right– but much like Carly ’16— the more people are exposed to Schiff, the less they like him…

    Castro Bros. Imagine that mug on Iowa mailers?? Buena suerte, mi amigo!
    Xavier Becerra He looks like a Hispanic Mike Pence…

    Who spells “Javier” with an “X”, anyway??

    GTFO.

    Amy Klasdfochar No.
    Deval Patrick No.

With the failure to repeal Obamacare (which poor, uneducated Trump voters disproportionately rely on), Trump’s odds of reerection now stand at 70.0%.

Historical Cuckspective

Al Sharpton takes credit for the pyramids

Erection 2016

That time Trump called a shipping magnate a “Chinaman”

Erection 2016

Marketing genius Dana Perino thought Trump’s MAGA hats were a bad idea

re: Rahm Emanuel