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Beto O'Rourke's
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Richard Ojeda's
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Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

Here’s what the 1st Chick President will look like

MFP & co. Published August 1, 2017

Qualified or not– fair or not– the likes of Kirsten Gillibrand and Kamala Harris are too homely and overweight to attract Rustbelt and Southern independent voters in sufficient numbers to win the erectoral college.

However, there is such a thing as too hot.

A woman even half as hot as Mélissa Theuriau– who, in her mid-2000’s prime, was the most beautiful woman that ever existed– could never become POTUS.

Women would resent her, and men couldn’t take her seriously in a leadership role.

And thus…

The 1st Chick POTUS will look like Coralie

This French lawyer-turned-politician circa 5 years ago is what 1CPOTUS will look like:

  • Attractive, but past her prime.
  • Educated, but not outwardly elitist.
  • Sexy, but not slutty (a very rare quality).

1CPOTUS will be able to put her hair in a bun out of convenience, and somehow still look classy:

1CPOTUS will come from a middle-to-working class background, and wear dragon shirts when she was a kid accordingly:

1CPOTUS will be friendly and warm, but possess an unshakable confidence that can only be derived from deeply-rooted delusions of grandeur ala:

At the very beginning, they said I was chosen for my physique. But when I started leading the movement, they said I was an authoritarian.

Perhaps it will be this more tender tree which hides a forest which is said to be made up of the hardest of the woods. [Her surname] in Occitan is ‘wood’.

wat?

1CPOTUS will be be able to pass for a happy-go-lucky girl trying to make her way in this crazy world that just stumbled into politics by accident:

While secretly plotting her vengeance against all those that mocked her and opposed the birth of her thousand year dynasty:

She’s out there somewhere.

Maybe she’s still in school, getting pressured to swallow by her much older boyfriend. Maybe she’s out naively wasting her time canvassing for Thomas Massie. Maybe she’s a lawyer for GITMO detainees or making Facebook posts about Monsanto.

Someday, she will emerge.

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This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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This is not to say that Emma Dumont is smarter than Kaileigh Brandt (their diverging interests makes that difficult to quantify with anything approaching certainty) or more carnally desirable than Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005.

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