Beto O'Rourke's
Path to the Nomination
Richard Ojeda's
Path to the Nomination
Post Mid-Terms
2020 Power Rankings

MFP’s Theory of the Evolution of Hot Chicks debunked!?

MFP & co. Published April 22, 2017

Unlike climate change zealots, MFP is willing to revisit settled science when new data is presented.

First, a quick primer on the theory.

The causes are debatable (abortion, online dating, etc.), but a form of accelerated natural selection is resulting in increasingly hot chicks. Humanity is inadvertently breeding a class of irresistible sex creatures, much like Famke Janssen as “The Perfect Mate” in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Exhibit A

If Audrey Hepburn was magically transported to 2018, she could maybe get a job as Natalie Portman’s nude body double??

But if the opposite occurred, if random actress Sarah Bolger was transported to 1960, she would be the cutest woman on Earth by several orders of magnitude.

Exhibit B

If Brigitte Bardot was magically transported to 2018, she could maybe play Emma Stone’s flawed, but well-meaning mother?? Or maybe cash in by getting an NBA player to impregnate her??

But if the opposite occurred, if Margot Robbie was transported to 1960, she would easily be the most beautiful woman on Earth by several orders of magnitude.

Exhibit C

If Marilyn Monroe was magically transported to 2018, she could maybe do hardcore porn?? Or maybe co-star as Amy Schumer’s quirky BFF??

But if the opposite occurred, if Kate Upton was transported to 1960, she would easily be the hottest woman on Earth by several orders of magnitude.

They’re like barely even the same species…

The evidence is irrefutable.

The Bristol Palin Quandry

Bristol Palin has gotten so absurdly hot over the past decade (relative to her previous state) that she even looks hot pregnant– which is ordinarily when women are at their most repulsive…

A post shared by Bristol Meyer (@bsmp2) on

Consider the following:

Homely Bristol

Ok-ish Bristol

Getting Hot Bristol

Conclusion

Bristol’s rapid transformation opens the door to the possibility– however unlikely or remote– that what appears to be vast genetic changes over the course of a half century is actually just:

  • Makeup.
  • Hair.
  • Diet.
  • More makeup.
  • Photoshop.
  • And our own changing preferences.

I will leave you with this:

Jane Russell was once considered very attractive– but is disgusting by today’s punishing standards…

Raquel Welch was once universally regarded as one of the sexiest women in the history of cinema– but no man would look at her twice next to Riley Reid…

Unfortunately, we conclude this discussion with more questions than answers.

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