Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

Jason Chaffetz buys   April 19, 2017

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (Nazi-UT) announced on Wednesday that he would not seek reerection.

Chaffetz’s sudden decision to withdraw from public life at the very peak of his powers breathes new life into rumors that Chaffetz was compromised by Russian intelligence.

But this chatter is at odds w/ Team Chaffetz’s recent purchase of– which suggests Chaffetz still has future plans to lose a presidential race…

2028 is curious, because it presupposes 1 of 3 scenarios:

  • 2 Trump terms, followed by only 1 Pence term.
  • Only 1 Trump term, followed by 2 Pence terms.
  • Only 1 Trump term, followed by 2 Dem terms.

Also, he’s a dick

In his 5 terms in office, Chaffetz cynically vacillated back and forth between Tea Party rabble-rouser and establishment goon.

For ex:

  • In ’08, Chaffetz defeated GOP incumbent Rep. Chris Cannon by claiming Cannon was too moderate.
  • In ’13, Chaffetz strongly supported Marco Rubio’s amnesty plan.
  • In ’15, Chaffetz stripped Freedom Caucus Chairman Mark Meadows of a subcommittee assignment as retribution for voting against the Obama-Boehner TPP deal (Chaffetz later reversed his decision).

Official Projection

MFP projects that Chaffetz will end up on a ~corporate board, earning millions as a quasi-lobbyist. He will occasionally appear on cable news to schlep his ghostwritten books to unsuspecting, low-information senior citizens.

Russian to conclusions

Mike Flynn’s Not Russian Handler is so hot

Would Smash

Milo Moiré, the artist who lays eggs with her vagina, is hotter than you might expect

Erection 2016

Trump: I was impressed by the way Ben Carson handled being compared to a child molester

The Regime

Please God, make Trump ignore Anthony Scaramucci’s good advice