Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

Kaileigh Brandt is a genetically superior female   February 5, 2017

You know who I want to make love to? 90-year-old’s Jewish GF

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Kaileigh Brandt isn’t Helen Stifler-hot??

But if there was a giant asteroid hurdling towards Earth, special forces units would be deployed to take Kaileigh to a top secret gov’t bunker, so that she could one day repopulate the planet with her superior genetics– which are manifested in her:

Intelligence

Not only did Kaileigh accurately predict that the then-shitty Cleveland Cavaliers would stymie the then-unstoppable Steph Curry– she also knows other stuff…

And she’s a math major…

 

Athleticism

Kaileigh’s sturdy, but feminine frame suggests she can bear multiple children, and thrive in a post-apocalyptic world…

For a girl, Kaileigh has amazing balance, strength, and hand/eye coordination…

 

Symmetrical face

Somewhat harsh facial features are offset by excellent skin and perfectly symmetrical face, and general hotness…

I feel like she can destroy Ethan Strauss’ marriage whenever she damn well feels like it…

Liz Lemon noises

After pwning her dumb male colleague with “[the 76ers] always make good decisions” burn, Kaileigh does an obnoxious Liz Lemon laugh…

It’s starting to grow on me, tbh…

Accurate Rating

Intelligence factored in
US/UK 8.75 9.5
Iowa 9.25 9.0
Miami 8.5 8.5
Asia 9.99 9.75
Saudi Arabia 9.99 8.5
Mom & Dad 10.0 1,000,000
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