Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

2020 Power Rankings   February 2, 2017

Australian chick w/ Trump vs. Turnbull scoop has big boobs

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Mayors don’t get erected POTUS, but Boston’s Marty Walsh gets an honorable mention as the only erected Democrat to generate any buzz whatsoever.

The top contenders mostly kept their heads down– not wanting to be on record as strongly opposing Trump’s “security” measures, should Stephen Bannon launch a false flag.

Power Rankings

Gavin Newsom

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 9
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 8
  • Gavin has been unusually quite of late, which means 1 of 2 things:

    • He was exhibiting newfound discipline, and focusing his energies on a gubernatorial race that will make or break his presidential aspirations.
    • He stuck his dick where it doesn’t belong (again), and was busy trying to suppress the fallout.

    Whatever the case, Gavin reemerged recently to tentatively oppose Trump’s #MuslimBan.

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 3
  • Speech 4
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 4
  • Scandals 5
  • Polls suggest Warren could struggle in her reerection– but who’s going to run against her, Curt Schilling…??

    As far as ’20 goes, Warren’s nagging, kindergarten teacher, tyrannical PTA dragon lady schtick is already wearing thin…

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 2
  • She is so good at this…

    There’s just 1 problem: Kirsten is getting fat again…

    Her candidacy only works if she looks like a classy MILF…

    At 50, I don’t like her chances to shed the weight.

    Kamala Harris

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 6
  • Kamala is known for her charisma and magnetism– none of which were evident at #WomensMarch…

    Her inability to generate buzz with #WomensMarch and #MuslimBan as backdrops aren’t fatal, but they are unsettling– like a #1 draft pick QB missing wide open receivers in the preseason.

    Cory Booker

  • Communism 5
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 7
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 7
  • Scandals 5
  • 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

    Cory tried to shed his anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout reputation by testifying against Jeff Sessions, and ramping up his anti-Trump rhetoric.

    But then Big Pharma called…

    To be fair, not even Trump can stand up to pharma lobbyists.

    Bernie Sanders I mean, is he even going to be alive by then??
    Andrew Cuomo

    He can probably raise a lot of money, but look at that face!

    Castro Bros. Imagine that mug on Iowa mailers?? Good luck!
    Xavier Becerra He’s like a liberal, equally-boring Hispanic Mike Pence that is probably better-suited for VP or to head some obscure department…

    Who spells “Javier” with an “X”, anyway?

    Amy Klasdfochar No.
    Deval Patrick No.

    Trump’s odds of reerection currently stand at: 60%— that’s up from 55% in Jan.

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