Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

2020 Power Rankings   January 1, 2017

Just as conservatives quadrupled down after John McCain and Mitt Romney, liberals are rejecting pressure from their establishment and donor class to moderate.

In the long term, this polarization probably means some form of civil war. Short term, it means ’20 should be as entertaining as ’16…

Power Rankings

Gavin Newsom

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 8
  • Look 9
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 3
  • Scandals 8
  • He’s Bill Clinton w/out the charm. He’s Trump w/out the humor. He’s John Edwards waiting to happen.

    There is every reason to expect Gavin Newsom’s candidacy to fall apart– but until it does, he checks every box almost every box…

    Fortunately for Newsom, he has 2.5 years to focus group test a good answer.

    Elizabeth Warren

  • Communism 10
  • Fundraising 9
  • Look 3
  • Speech 4
  • Interview 7
  • Likability 4
  • Scandals 5
  • Like Hillary ’04, Warner ’08, Christie ’12, and pre-amnesty Rubio— Warren missed her moment.

    Name ID and branding probably keeps her in the top tier until ’19-ish, but imagine how much more obnoxious this will sound by then…

    The only candidate to ever benefit from running later was Trump— whose schtick was probably a skosh early for the ’12 electorate.

    Kirsten Gillibrand

  • Communism 6
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look ?
  • Speech 5
  • Interview 9
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 2
  • Gillibrand could be the candidate of destiny— the woman who inherited Hillary’s Senate seat goes on to avenge her defeat.

    There’s just 1 problem…

    She’s getting fat (again).

    Her candidacy only works if she looks like a classy MILF…

    50-year-old working mother?? I don’t like her chances to shed the weight.

    Kamala Harris

  • Communism 9
  • Fundraising 7
  • Look 7
  • Speech 8
  • Interview 8
  • Likability 9
  • Scandals 6
  • She’s fucking great.

    Articulate, bright, reasonably attractive, and the only US chick politician that can give speeches w/out sounding like a nagging ex-wife…

    Here’s why she’s not #1:

    • Can she take a punch? In CA, her liberal views are never challenged. Her opponent in the CA Senate race was a total embarrassment.

      Let’s see how sunny and optimistic she is after the Alt-Reich accuses her of running a pedophilia ring for 2 years.

    • Senate votes will be picked apart, as Hillary, Bernie, Rubio, and Cruz can attest.
    • Obama says she’s hot, but in 4 years and 10 lbs., she could look gross.
    • She doesn’t want it bad enough. She could happily spend the next 30 years in the Senate.
    Bernie Sanders I mean, is he even going to be alive by then??
    Cory Booker Skilled politician, but seen by the Left as an anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout, Wall Street insider.
    Andrew Cuomo

    He can probably raise a lot of money.

    Castro Bros. Imagine their faces on Iowa mailers??
    Xavier Becerra He’s like a liberal, equally-boring Hispanic Mike Pence that is probably better-suited for VP or to head some obscure department…

    Who spells “Javier” w/ an “X”, anyway?

    Amy Klasdfochar No.
    Deval Patrick No.

    Trump’s odds of reerection currently stand at: 55%, up from 40% in Dec.

    Would Smash

    Would ya?

    The Regime

    Michael Savage goofs on Hannity’s “plummeting” ratings

    Liberty, Inc.

    Bro-splanation: Why libertarians support Trump

    The Regime

    Bwahahaha: Sinclair uses wedding font for Boris Epshteyn segment

    Abella Danger 8.0 Quintessential butterface.
    Abby Hornacek 8.75 Penalized for height.
    Abby Huntsman 7.0 Penalized for looking like her dad.
    Ainsley Earhardt 6.99 Penalized for age (40's).
    AJ Applegate 8.75 If she was anorexic, she'd be a 10.
    AJ Delgado, Jason Miller's fmr. mistress 5.99
    Alex Witt 4.75
    Alexa Bliss, WWE superstar 9.25
    Alexis Levinson 6.5
    Alexis Wineman circa 2012 9.0 Her love could be my salvation.
    Allison Williams, Brian Williams daughter 7.25 Penalized for looking like her dad.
    Alisyn Camerota 5.25
    Amanda Carpenter 6.5 Basic bitch.
    Amy Jackson 9.5 Perfect face.
    Amy Kremer, the fake conservative activist 3.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Ana Kasparian 6.25 I'm just not into it, she looks like an angry maid.
    Ana Navarro 3.99 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Andrea Tantaros 6.5 + body, dumb face.
    Ann Coulter 5.99 Penalized for age (50's).
    Anna Kooiman 8.0 She looks like a sexy chipmunk.
    Andrea Mitchell 2.25 Disgusting.
    Antonietta Collins 6.25 Don't be fooled by the makeup and angles.
    April Ryan 2.25 Disgusting.
    April Ponnuru, Ramesh Ponnuru's wife 2.99 I'd do her, tbh.
    Ashley Parker 5.0
    Aubrey O'Day, Don Jr.'s fmr. mistress (Prime) 8.25
    Andrea Catsimatidis, Manhattan GOP Chair 7.75 My mind says "gross", but my penis says "10/10".
    Barbara Mikulski 0.75 Needs burka.
    Baskin Champion 9.49 10 face, but no boobs :(
    Baskin Champion's Sister 7.0 Much less attractive than her sister.
    Belen Sisa the Undocumented Student 6.5
    Bristol Palin (Prime, circa post-weight loss, pre-all the babies) 7.75
    Britney Spears (Prime, circa "Oops, I Did It Again") 9.0
    Brooke Baldwin 6.49 Penalized for age (40's).
    Carly Fiorina 5.0
    Carmen Callaway 9.49 Bonus points for looking ~18.
    Carrie Prejean (Prime) 9.25
    Caroline Heldman, that chick who accused Fox News 6.5 Penalized for age (40's).
    Catherine Rampell 6.49 Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people.
    Chelsea Clinton 2.99 Disgusting.
    Chelsea the Code Pink Protester (Chelsea Byers) 7.75 Her love could be my salvation.
    Christiane Amanpour 3.5 Disgusting.
    Claire McCaskill 2.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Courtney Byrd 9.0
    Dana Bash 5.5
    Dana Loesch 6.49 I'd do her.
    Dana Perino 6.25 Penalized for age (40's).
    Daniela Lopez Osorio 8.75 Face is highly overrated.
    Danielle Bregoli, the "Cash Me Outside, How Bow Dah" girl N/A N/A
    Danielle Weisberg 7.0 She can get it.
    Delaney Targgaryen N/A N/A
    Denise Odie Joseph II, Dinesh D'Souza's fmr. mistress 5.25 I'd do her, tbh.
    Dishwasher Lady (Prime) 8.99
    Dominika the Nuclear Power Plant Intern 8.99 Self-explanatory
    Eboni K. Williams, the Fox News Aunt Jemima 6.49 Penalized for race.
    Elizabeth Warren 2.5 Needs burka.
    Elizabeth Nolan Brown 5.75
    Ellison Barber 7.25 Down 10% from 2014 prime.
    Emma DiGiovine, Jesse Watters fmr. mistress 6.99 Quintessential butterface.
    Erin Burnett 6.75 Penalized for age (40's).
    Erin Schrode, the liberal with a never ending list of grievances 6.49 Disturbingly deep voice.
    Evgenia Medvedeva 9.0 That Sailor Moon outfit tho.
    Gina Loudon 6.5 MILF.
    Giselle Leon (Prime) 8.25
    Gloria Allred 2.5 You know what? Would.
    Gloria Borger 3.75
    Haley Byrd 7.49 Would be so hot w/ woman's haircut.
    Harris Faulkner 4.0 Penalized for race.
    Heather Childers 6.25 She's like West Virginia hills folks' idea of what a hot chick looks like.
    Heidi Cruz 4.0
    Heidi Heitkamp 1.0 Needs burka.
    Hillary Clinton 2.5 Disgusting.
    Hillary Clinton (prime) 7.0
    Hillary McLellan the Chick That Lied About Cancer 7.25
    Hope Hicks 6.5 Beautiful from a great distance.
    Hwang Mi Hee (Prime) 8.75 Hottest Asian chick to ever live.
    Irin Carmon 6.75
    Ivanka Trump 6.75 Penalized for age.
    Ivanka Trump (Prime) 9.5
    Jeanette Dousdebes Rubio, Marco Rubio's wife 5.75
    Jedediah Bila 7.75 Penalized for age.
    Jennifer Grossman, the fake libertarian 6.25 Absolute GGILF.
    Jillian Kirk, the racist MSU student 7.5
    Jo Marney, the Nazi 6.25 Has an old lady face.
    Joy Behar 1.99 Needs burka.
    Joy Reid (Joy Ann Reid) 2.25 Needs burka.
    Julia Ioffe 6.75 Penalized for age.
    Julie Mason 2.75 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Kacey Jordan (Ted Cruz controversy). 7.75 Bonus points for looking ~18.
    Kaileigh Brandt 10.0 Not that hot, but genetically perfect.
    Kaitlan Collins 6.5
    Kamala Harris 4.99
    Kanadajin3 (pre-Muslim conversion) 6.5 I'd do her.
    Kasie Hunt 5.5
    Kat Timpf 7.49
    Kata Sarka, the Hungarian chick that Trump tried to bang. 7.5 +++ body, avg. face.
    Kate Bouldan 6.5
    Kate Upton (Prime) 9.0
    Kathryn Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh's wife 4.75
    Katie Glueck 6.99 Bonus points for looking ~18.
    Katie Lou Samuelson 6.5 Penalized for height.
    Katie Nolan 7.0 Face is overrated.
    Katie Packer, the flip-flopping RINO 2.75 Disgusting.
    Katie Pavlich 6.5 Penalized for gigantism.
    Katrina Pierson 6.0 Looks like an evil koala bear.
    Katy Tur 6.75 Disturbingly unattractive without makeup.
    Kaylee Moats, the Chick with No Vagina 7.25
    Kayleigh McEnany 7.0 She looks like a sexy, retarded fish.
    Kellyanne Conway 4.75 Facially repulsive.
    Kim Yo-jong, Kim Jong-un's sister 2.99 Needs burka.
    Kimberly Guilfoyle 6.5 Repulsive without makeup.
    Kinga Duda 7.0 Basic bitch.
    Kirsten Gillibrand 5.5
    Kirsten Powers 5.5
    Kristen Soltis Whatsherface 7.0
    Kristen Stewart 8.25
    Kristin Tate 7.99 Often overrated due to being surrounded by ugly old people.
    Kristine Leahy 8.25 I dunno, she vascillates from 7.5 to 9.0.
    Kyle Nolan, Eric Bolling's assistant 8.25 LTR material, but not hot per se.
    Laci Green, the adorable feminazi 7.25 Chubbiness offset by implied promiscuity.
    Laura Ingraham 6.25 Penalized for age (50's).
    Laura Jayes, the reporter who broke the Turnbull-goofing-on-Trump story 6.5 + body, mediocre face.
    Lauren Southern 6.49 Basic Bitch.
    Lee Ann McAdoo 6.5 + boobs, mediocre face.
    Lili Simmons 8.5 At first glance, easily a 9-- but her face looks jacked up under certain angles/lighting.
    Liv Morgan 9.0
    Liz Plank 6.5 Manly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles.
    Louise Linton, Steve Mnuchin's wife 6.49 Her angry ex-wife face is a turnoff.
    Lyda Loudon 6.75
    Maria Bartiromo 6.0 Penalized for age (50's).
    Marianne Copenhaver, the Neocon Girl 6.49 Sexy hair and glasses conceal jacked up face.
    Marilyn Monroe (Prime) 6.75 Basic bitch by today's standards.
    Marsha Blackburn 5.0 Penalized for age (late 60's).
    Martha MacCallum 5.25 Penalized for age (50's).
    Meghan McCain 5.25 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Mélissa Theuriau circa 2005 10.0 Perfect 10 circa 2005.
    Melania Trump 5.75 Beautiful from a great distance.
    Megyn Kelly 6.75 Penalized for age (40's).
    Michelle Fields 6.49 + body, mediocre face.
    Michelle Malkin 4.25 She has to go back.
    Michelle Obama 2.99
    Michelle Runde 7.0 Cutest gainfully employed vegan ever.
    Mika Brzezinski 5.49 I'd do her, tbh.
    Mila Moire, the artist who lays eggs with her vagina (Prime) 8.49
    Minka Kelly 8.99 She is as hot as you can humanly be without breaking 9.
    Molly Line 5.75 Penalized for age (40's).
    Monica Crowley 5.0 I think I'd rather do Marsha Blackburn, tbh.
    Monica Lewinsky circa Clinton affair 5.75 I'd do her, tbh.
    Nadya from Pussy Riot (Nadezhda Tolokonnikova) 6.25 Ugly face offset by heavy use of feminine wiles.
    Nasim Aghdam 5.5 Penalized for age.
    Natasha Bertrand 6.5 Really cute, but face has slight hint of Down syndrome.
    Nancy Pelosi 2.00 Disgusting.
    Natalia Lima, Ed Henry's fmr. mistress. 6.75 Older than photos would suggest.
    Noor Tagouri, the Hottest Muslim 7.25
    Norah O'Donnell (Prime) 8.25 LTR material.
    Olivia Harlan 9.0
    Paige, WWE superstar 6.75
    Paige, WWE superstar (Prime) 8.99
    Peyton List 8.49
    Poppy Harlow 5.99 I don't get the appeal.
    Rachel Maddow 4.5 I'd splooge on her, tbh.
    Riley Reid 9.25
    Ronna McDaniel, GOP Chairthing 3.0 Has Down syndrome face.
    Roseanne Barr 1.75 Needs burka.
    Salena Zito 1.99 Needs burka.
    Sami Main 7.0 Bonus points for looking ~18.
    Sammi Hanratty 8.75 Bonus points for looking ~18.
    Sandra Smith 6.5 Penalized for age.
    Sarah Tiana, the hypocritical comedian 6.49
    Sarah Flores, Trump Propaganda Czar 5.99 Oh so close to being hot.
    Sarah McDaniel, the model with retard eyes 9.49 A 10 but not a 10.
    Sarah Huckabee 2.75 Disgusting.
    Sarah Palin 5.75 Penalized for age (50's).
    Sarah Palin (Prime) 6.99
    SE Cupp 6.5 Manly jawline, fat arms.
    Shannon Bream 6.75 Penalized for age (late 40's).
    Simona Mangiante, George Papadopoulos' wife 6.5 Do not be fooled by the Instagram angles.
    Shera Berchard (Prime) 8.0
    Stephanie Ann Cook 8.75
    Stormy Daniels circa when Trump smashed 7.5 Mediocre face.
    Tamara Holder (Prime) 6.5 Submissive personality makes up for repulsive face.
    Tara Palmieri 7.49 Classic marry her to get her off the market, then realize you've made terrible mistake.
    Taylor Riggs 7.25 LTR material.
    Tiffany Thompson, Ezekiel Elliot's ex 7.25
    Tiffany Trump 7.25 Face has slight hint of Down syndrome, but bonus points for age.
    Tomi Lahren 7.0 + body, angry ex-wife face.
    Trish Regan 6.5 Penalized for age (late 40's).
    Tulsi Gabbard 5.25 Looks like a giant eskimo w/ terrible skin..
    Whoopi Goldberg 1.5 Needs burka.
    Zoey Kush 8.5 Bonus points for looking ~18.