Bill Maher on Newsom ’20:
Gavin Newsom…he could win…Gavin does look like he’s the President. You know, people vote for a tall, good-looking guy…I don’t see anybody in the party who would be a better candidate.
Based on the following data points, MFP can now project that CA Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom has won the 2020 Democrat nomination…
But on the Christian Bale in American Psycho end of the spectrum– that it to say, nobody would be super shocked to find runaway girls locked in a secret torture chamber in his basement…
Gavin fucks around…
But to his credit, Gavin only bangs 7’s or higher.
You may recall Gavin violated Man Code by banging his own Chief of Staff’s MILF wife:
While he was divorcing Fox News’ own Kimberly Guilfoyle (and totally not before):
Normally, this parade of paramours is disqualifying. But Clinton and Trump render such criticism moot.
Lack of experience
Normally, Lt. Gov. and mayor of San Francisco would be inadequate. But Obama and Trump render such criticism moot.
Risky gubernatorial run
Gavin is running for CA gov. in ’18. A loss would spell doom for his presidential aspirations. However, his opponents are a bunch of losers— each more inept than the next.
Gavin is a rich, well-connected liberal from Marin County, CA w/ ties to Hollywood and Silicon Valley– fundraising won’t be an issue.
Fortunately, Gavin comes from a “broken” home– from which he can spin semi-credible sob story.
Gavin will never, ever, ever be outflanked from the left (the way Bernie outflanked Hillary):
- Pro-(eventual) gun ban.
- Pro-drug decriminalization (aka legalization).
- Pro-universal healthcare (single-payer).
- Pro-gay marriage.
- Pro-sanctuary city.
To his left, even Cenk Uygur and human STD-infested petri dish, Ana Ksdfsdkfjsdkfian fear to tread.
Kinda sorta a criminal
From the Boston Tea Party to Abraham Lincoln, American history teaches us you can break the law as long as you win.
In 2004, Gavin illegally issued marriage licenses to same-sex couples, and encouraged others to do so– in direct violation of state law.
History has rendered its verdict: Gavin is a visionary, whereas Kim Davis is a low-class hayseed to be humiliated and scorned…
I’m guessing there won’t be a sympathetic Kim Davis Hollywood bioepic any time soon.
In an infamous 2013 interview, Adam Carolla humiliated Gavin, and exposed his lack of intellectual depth…
But W. and Trump render such criticism moot.
Gavin is a prolific liar…
But Bush, Clinton, W., Obama, and Trump render such criticism moot.
Like Clinton and Trump, Gavin is a narcissist sociopath:
- Craves adulation.
- Lacks genuine empathy.
- Ambitious and driven.
- Charming and manipulative.
- Interpersonally exploitative.
- Vacillates between invincibility and inadequacy.
- Feelings of unworthiness followed by self-destructive behavior.
In other words, he’s an excellent politician. But there is always the danger he can break character in a high-stakes setting, such as a statewide debate or nationally-televised interview.
The best politicians are resilient, as demonstrated by their ability to overcome a personal trauma or seemingly insurmountable political obstacle…
- Reagan: Reagan didn’t just lose in ’68 and ’76, he endured withering attack– including from his own party. At his age, it took unyielding self-belief to try a 3rd time.
- Clinton: Clinton stopped his dad from beating his mother. Then, in ’82, Clinton completed one of the greatest comebacks in modern erectoral history.
- Trump: Trump overcame bankruptcy, survived the venomous snake pit that is NY real estate, and went to war every single day for 30 years w/ the most vicious media market in the western world, bar London.
Gavin, on the other hand, has never faced a single day of real adversity in his entire life-. He’s essentially Jon Hamm as 30 Rock’s Drew Baird…
- Either Castro Bros: They’re supposed to be the next Obama, but they look weird AF.
- Cory Booker: Has reputation as anti-union, pro-charter school, big donor sellout.
- Elizabeth Warren: That bossy kindergarten teacher schtick will not wear well under presidential scrutiny.
* Updated 12/23/16.
Kirsten Gillibrand has all the makings of a winning candidate: Bright, attractive, good campaigner, and she is the candidate of destiny— the woman who inherited Hillary Clinton’s seat avenges her defeat…???????
She could be the one.
Except for 1 thing……she’s getting really fat (again). MFP is confident Gillibrand will be fat AF by ’20, and therefore, not a legitimate threat.
In ’16, MFP is the only highly prestigious outlet to exactly predict the final tally…
MFP can now make a projection…
There is an 15% chance Gavin is the nominee, but it jumps to 66.6% if he wins the gubernatorial race (which he will, barring “Grab them by the pussy” II), and then jumps to 75% if Andrew Cuomo’s private investigators are unable to find any underage women in his past.