DNC hack confirms MFP’s Unified Theory of Everything

MP   |   Published December 20, 2016

The NYT’s Eric Lipton reports that the FBI repeatedly attempted to notify the DNC about the Russian hacking as early as Sept. 2015.

There was just 1 problem:

The IT guy did not take the threat seriously…at first, he doesn’t believe that he’s actually speaking to an FBI agent, because the FBI agent can’t email him, because if he emails the IT guy, he’s gonna reveal to the Russian hackers that the FBI is on to them.

The IT guy thinks it’s just some hoax…the FBI guy keeps calling him again and again and again– I mean, it goes on for 2-3 months.

Thus confirming…

MFP’s Unified Theory of Everything

  • Why did we really invade Iraq?
  • Why did it really take 10 years to capture Osama bin Laden?
  • Wouldn’t it be faster if the DMV just did X? Why do they do Y?

The answer to almost every question is this formula:

How many times have you fucked up today? Multiply that number by 7 billion people, and add the number of days since the dawn of civilization.

From the Roman Senate backing Caesar into a corner to Napoleon invading Russia to Bill Clinton not killing Osama bin Laden— the world as it is today is the result of 200,000 years of uninterrupted human fuck-upery.

Why did Trump really accept a phone call from Taiwan?

  • Was he sending a signal to China?
  • Was he pressuring China to exert greater control over North Korea?
  • Was he playing 47-dimensional chess because he’s like, a smart guy??

According to MFP’s Unified Theory of Everything, Trump was playing on Twitter when Taiwan called. He tried to hit ‘ignore’, but accidentally picked up…

It happens all the time, especially to the elderly.

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