Mofo Politics
Mofo Politics

Bro-splanation: Why libertarians support Trump   August 18, 2015

Translation: “Crap, this guy might actually win”

Mark Capra Tweet Email

If you’re reading this, you more than likely have been privy to the following exchange:

Libertarian A: Rand Paul sold out, so I’m voting for Trump.

Libertarian B: Oh, that makes sense!! Rand isn’t libertarian enough for you, but Trump is!?? [eyeroll]

The analogy below should square that circle.

Rand Paul

When Rand Paul emerged in ’09-13, he was the answer to all our prayers (we don’t actually pray, but you know what I mean). Finally, Ron Paul’s principles in a friendly, affable package.

For the purposes of this analogy, Rand was Lily from AT&T…

We had so much in common, plus she was fun and quirky…

We were ready to spend the rest of our lives with her…

But on the day we were going to propose, we found her getting gangbanged by Doug Stafford, K Street, and the Chamber of Commerce!!

Our world was shattered…

 

Donald Trump

While drowning our sorrows in a seedy dive bar, we meet Donald Trump– for the purposes of this analogy, WWE’s Paige…

She has tattoos, probably does coke, and– more likely than not– has been in several threesomes with [you-know-what-ethnicity] guys.

We have the sneaking suspicion that she cannot be fully trusted…

But we’re not looking for love. We’re cynical and jaded.

After all the heartbreak, we just wanna get drunk, do drugs, and get blowjobs…

When people try to tell us…

But did you know Trump A, B, and C!? And did you know he used to X, Y, and Z!?

We’re not the least bit surprised!

And honestly…??

Trump ’16: Make America Great Again Fuck It, Just Fuck It

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